Comments for I Married An Alien http://www.imarriedanalien.com Intercultural Marriage Between Foreigners Fri, 27 Aug 2010 17:20:54 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 Comment on Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard? by Just Me http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19&cpage=1#comment-10088 Just Me Fri, 27 Aug 2010 17:20:54 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19#comment-10088 I am in the same situation. I met a guy from Africa last year who had been here on a study visa but it had run out. When I met him, he didn't mention any of this and was working. I thought he was legal as he was working etc. After a month he asked me to marry him. Alarm bells started ringing but he said it was for religious purposes as he is muslim and living together out of marriage is haram (illegal in islam). We had, however, been having sex the entire time, which is also haram in islam! Anyway, after 4 months we got married in a mosque in the islamic way and then moved in together. It was about 4 months later that it all came out that he is not legal to work in the UK and we have to file for a spouse visa asap or he will have to leave. I have had my suspicions about the relationship from the start but he was such a good manipulator. He was also extremely, extremely emotionally abusive. He would ignore me, call other women behind my back, go on web cams with other women, had girls on instant messenger and would spend more time chatting with them than talking to me. Whenever I asked questions, he would shout at me, call me stupid, put me down, criticise me. I would have to beg him to spend time with me. It was like he hated me but had to hang around because of the spouse visa. We applied for the visa and it is currently in the works. However, I have just left the relationship because I am tired of not being good enough, tired of being shouted at, tired of being put down, tired of being emotionally manipulated, tired of being abused, tired of being treated as though i am the most annoying person in the world and it is just the biggest effort for him to even spend any time with me. When he is home he will just sleep or go on the internet. I do not feel ANY love from him at all. Even the sex feels disconnected. I feel like i am just a body and most of the time he would not even satisfy me, just take his own satisfaction and be done with it. I feel humilated, used and abused. But I have realised and I have gained the strength i need to admit that he never loved me, he was using me, that he has abused me and that this relationship is over. It is over. I have accepted it. I loved this man with all of my heart and soul. I would cry after a round of abuse and then the silent treatment for hours but he would just turn on the computer or game console and ignore my tears. Nothing got to him, he has a big void where any human emotion and sympathy should be. I have never been good enough for him and he has never loved me. I see this now and it hurts. It hurts so much. I ask myself how I could love him after everything he has done and put me through. I don't know the answer, but i did fall deeply, deeply in love with him. It hurts so much to leave and know I will never see him again. It hurts so much to realise that he never loved me and is using me..... but I would rather feel this hurt once and be able to get over it and live my life happily than to be hurt every day for the rest of my life and cry every day. There was no happiness, no joy - just anxiety, paranoia, tears, sadness, stress and depression. I have not been to work for months due to the anxiety and depression this "man" has caused me. I have developed irritable bowel due to all of the stress, I cannot sleep, I cry constantly and I have lost all of my confidence. I still love him, but this cannot go on. I deserve happiness and I will not be used to provide a visa for my country. It is over. I urge ANYONE in this situation to do the same. Get out while you can, before it is too late! Find someone who LIGHTS UP YOUR LIFE! Find someone who is true and who loves you. It might hurt, no, it DOES hurt... but you will recover and the hurt will be gone. You will go on to be happy afterwards. I am in the same situation. I met a guy from Africa last year who had been here on a study visa but it had run out. When I met him, he didn’t mention any of this and was working. I thought he was legal as he was working etc. After a month he asked me to marry him. Alarm bells started ringing but he said it was for religious purposes as he is muslim and living together out of marriage is haram (illegal in islam). We had, however, been having sex the entire time, which is also haram in islam! Anyway, after 4 months we got married in a mosque in the islamic way and then moved in together. It was about 4 months later that it all came out that he is not legal to work in the UK and we have to file for a spouse visa asap or he will have to leave.

I have had my suspicions about the relationship from the start but he was such a good manipulator. He was also extremely, extremely emotionally abusive. He would ignore me, call other women behind my back, go on web cams with other women, had girls on instant messenger and would spend more time chatting with them than talking to me. Whenever I asked questions, he would shout at me, call me stupid, put me down, criticise me. I would have to beg him to spend time with me. It was like he hated me but had to hang around because of the spouse visa. We applied for the visa and it is currently in the works. However, I have just left the relationship because I am tired of not being good enough, tired of being shouted at, tired of being put down, tired of being emotionally manipulated, tired of being abused, tired of being treated as though i am the most annoying person in the world and it is just the biggest effort for him to even spend any time with me. When he is home he will just sleep or go on the internet. I do not feel ANY love from him at all. Even the sex feels disconnected. I feel like i am just a body and most of the time he would not even satisfy me, just take his own satisfaction and be done with it.

I feel humilated, used and abused. But I have realised and I have gained the strength i need to admit that he never loved me, he was using me, that he has abused me and that this relationship is over. It is over. I have accepted it. I loved this man with all of my heart and soul. I would cry after a round of abuse and then the silent treatment for hours but he would just turn on the computer or game console and ignore my tears. Nothing got to him, he has a big void where any human emotion and sympathy should be. I have never been good enough for him and he has never loved me. I see this now and it hurts. It hurts so much. I ask myself how I could love him after everything he has done and put me through. I don’t know the answer, but i did fall deeply, deeply in love with him. It hurts so much to leave and know I will never see him again. It hurts so much to realise that he never loved me and is using me….. but I would rather feel this hurt once and be able to get over it and live my life happily than to be hurt every day for the rest of my life and cry every day. There was no happiness, no joy – just anxiety, paranoia, tears, sadness, stress and depression. I have not been to work for months due to the anxiety and depression this “man” has caused me. I have developed irritable bowel due to all of the stress, I cannot sleep, I cry constantly and I have lost all of my confidence. I still love him, but this cannot go on. I deserve happiness and I will not be used to provide a visa for my country. It is over. I urge ANYONE in this situation to do the same. Get out while you can, before it is too late! Find someone who LIGHTS UP YOUR LIFE! Find someone who is true and who loves you. It might hurt, no, it DOES hurt… but you will recover and the hurt will be gone. You will go on to be happy afterwards.

]]> Comment on Foreign Spouse and Learning English by City27 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=26&cpage=1#comment-10017 City27 Thu, 26 Aug 2010 13:03:25 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=26#comment-10017 I am Mexican-Hungarian, my husband is Italian, we live in Hungary. I learned Italian from him after 3 months, but after 8 years living here he cannot speak Hungarian! Problem is, other than not being able to communicate with my family here (which is quite embarrassing for me), he asks me everyday to call this or that person or solve him problems from work, but I am not his secretary. We both have our own different companies but work in the same office (our desks are next to each other). He is able to work most of the time using English, but when not, he asks me, and I do it because there is really no one else he could turn to. Hungarian language is really hard, its not my mother language but I speak it very well, though I am not able to teach it to my husband. I have searched him courses but he just doesn't want to go (excuses: no time, or money). I do not pretend from him to speak it on a high level but to at least try! I feel he is being inconsiderate of my family and of the time I dedicate to solve his problems in Hungarian. On the other hand, I cannot force someone to learn a language he doesn't want to. Any opinions? Should I keep helping him with translations, or oblige him to learn? I am Mexican-Hungarian, my husband is Italian, we live in Hungary. I learned Italian from him after 3 months, but after 8 years living here he cannot speak Hungarian! Problem is, other than not being able to communicate with my family here (which is quite embarrassing for me), he asks me everyday to call this or that person or solve him problems from work, but I am not his secretary. We both have our own different companies but work in the same office (our desks are next to each other). He is able to work most of the time using English, but when not, he asks me, and I do it because there is really no one else he could turn to. Hungarian language is really hard, its not my mother language but I speak it very well, though I am not able to teach it to my husband. I have searched him courses but he just doesn’t want to go (excuses: no time, or money). I do not pretend from him to speak it on a high level but to at least try! I feel he is being inconsiderate of my family and of the time I dedicate to solve his problems in Hungarian. On the other hand, I cannot force someone to learn a language he doesn’t want to. Any opinions? Should I keep helping him with translations, or oblige him to learn?

]]> Comment on Holidays and Religion in Intercultural Families by Wael http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=41&cpage=1#comment-9019 Wael Wed, 11 Aug 2010 13:58:57 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=41#comment-9019 Hi, I really need some help. I'm married to a Serbian woman. We have experienced most of the issues you mentioned about foreigner marriage. We are still holding on. However, there's one issue that really drives me crazy. I just want to ask someone else to tell me do i have the right to be mad at this issue or not. I'm married since 4 years and we have 3 years old daughter. My wife is insisting that she visits her family in Serbia for 3 months every year. Sometimes, i can accompany her just for 2 weeks because i have work. I also need visa to enter her country in spite of being married to and fathering serbs. Since our daughter will start to go to school, my wife plans to spend the whole summer every year in her country. I once lost nerves and called her while she is there and told her that it's too long. I was nervous and i shouted at her. She got angry and threatened me that she will not return again. I had to back off and apologize because i couldn't stand the idea that i will not see my daughter again. I tried to convince myself that it's ok that she wants to visit her family every year but still i can't stand to be away from my wife and daughter for 3 months per year. For my wife, she counts days until time of her vacation at home. Do i over react when i get angry for such issues? Or this marriage is somehow doomed? I need to hear your opinion. It will really help. Hi,
I really need some help. I’m married to a Serbian woman. We have experienced most of the issues you mentioned about foreigner marriage. We are still holding on. However, there’s one issue that really drives me crazy. I just want to ask someone else to tell me do i have the right to be mad at this issue or not. I’m married since 4 years and we have 3 years old daughter. My wife is insisting that she visits her family in Serbia for 3 months every year. Sometimes, i can accompany her just for 2 weeks because i have work. I also need visa to enter her country in spite of being married to and fathering serbs. Since our daughter will start to go to school, my wife plans to spend the whole summer every year in her country. I once lost nerves and called her while she is there and told her that it’s too long. I was nervous and i shouted at her. She got angry and threatened me that she will not return again. I had to back off and apologize because i couldn’t stand the idea that i will not see my daughter again. I tried to convince myself that it’s ok that she wants to visit her family every year but still i can’t stand to be away from my wife and daughter for 3 months per year. For my wife, she counts days until time of her vacation at home. Do i over react when i get angry for such issues? Or this marriage is somehow doomed?
I need to hear your opinion. It will really help.

]]> Comment on Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard? by Roy http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19&cpage=1#comment-8671 Roy Fri, 06 Aug 2010 20:05:27 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19#comment-8671 My situation is trickly..I did marry my husband in his country and have been introduced to several of his friends. His family all know about me but they do not know of our marriage. He insists he doesn't want to even live in the US but he is forced to as i have a young daughter from a previous marriage who cannot travel with me out of the US. His sister is aware of our marriage but that is only because she saw photos I posted on facebook and he was absolutely livid when he found out. We talk everyday and we are closing in on our immigration status but some days I feel I am just the "dirty little secret" too. He is Indian and I read about all the warnings but fell in love and I believe he loves me as well but sometimes I worry because he lies to his family so much and seems to want to procrastinate coming to the US. Maybe its because his family doesn't approve of me and he is ashamed that he went behind their backs...time will tell.. My situation is trickly..I did marry my husband in his country and have been introduced to several of his friends. His family all know about me but they do not know of our marriage. He insists he doesn’t want to even live in the US but he is forced to as i have a young daughter from a previous marriage who cannot travel with me out of the US. His sister is aware of our marriage but that is only because she saw photos I posted on facebook and he was absolutely livid when he found out. We talk everyday and we are closing in on our immigration status but some days I feel I am just the “dirty little secret” too. He is Indian and I read about all the warnings but fell in love and I believe he loves me as well but sometimes I worry because he lies to his family so much and seems to want to procrastinate coming to the US. Maybe its because his family doesn’t approve of me and he is ashamed that he went behind their backs…time will tell..

]]> Comment on We got a Marriage License…Now What? by Kim http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=9&cpage=1#comment-7356 Kim Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:16:16 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=9#comment-7356 I wanted to thank you for have a PRO-alien site! My fiance and I have been trying to figure this all out for over ayear and unfortunately we are now going through proceedings for him to return to his country we have 3 months to get married and apply for his permenant visa and then he will have to wit in Honduras- THANK YOU any help we can get is greatly appreciated!!! I wanted to thank you for have a PRO-alien site! My fiance and I have been trying to figure this all out for over ayear and unfortunately we are now going through proceedings for him to return to his country we have 3 months to get married and apply for his permenant visa and then he will have to wit in Honduras- THANK YOU any help we can get is greatly appreciated!!!

]]> Comment on Do Foreigners Need a Social Security Number to Get Married? by Krystal http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=11&cpage=1#comment-6529 Krystal Thu, 24 Jun 2010 04:44:25 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=11#comment-6529 Hi, I wish to be married on July 3, 2010. It's a last min thing. I have been looking at alot these diff req. For diff states(we might go to FL for a fam. Gettogether) we live in Louisiana . Do u know of any info about thoes states that I just didn't find. My fiancé is from central America , n does not have a DL or SS#! but does have a passport from honduras, can we still get a marriage lincense??? Please help ASAP!!;) Hi, I wish to be married on July 3, 2010. It’s a last min thing. I have been looking at alot these diff req. For diff states(we might go to FL for a fam. Gettogether) we live in Louisiana . Do u know of any info about thoes states that I just didn’t find. My fiancé is from central America , n does not have a DL or SS#! but does have a passport from honduras, can we still get a marriage lincense??? Please help ASAP!!;)

]]> Comment on Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard? by MARIBEL http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19&cpage=1#comment-5717 MARIBEL Mon, 07 Jun 2010 15:51:06 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19#comment-5717 I'm going thru the same situation of most of the stories I just read especially Dee's... The Jerk after three years of marriage, tells me I LOVE in my own way. What crap is that! He loved me when he wanted a favor from me, when he didn't he completed ignor me to the extent that he cheated on me. IF I had the power I would really take his greencard away in a heartbeat. SO HURT, -Maribel I’m going thru the same situation of most of the stories I just read especially Dee’s… The Jerk after three years of marriage, tells me I LOVE in my own way.
What crap is that! He loved me when he wanted a favor from me, when he didn’t he completed ignor me to the extent that he cheated on me. IF I had the power I would really take his greencard away in a heartbeat.

SO HURT,
-Maribel

]]> Comment on Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard? by IV http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19&cpage=1#comment-5610 IV Wed, 02 Jun 2010 20:34:51 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19#comment-5610 This is a good website, I did not pay much attention to the signs, but deep down I knew in my heart that something was not right. I chose not to believe in it. I met this Lebanese guy in July of 2006, he wanted to get married in November of that year. I talked to him into getting "engaged" first. I broke the "happy" news to my family and they were suspicious, especially my mother. He wanted to get married so fast, the excuse he put was that it was for religious purposes, for us to be able to live together etc. When 2007 came around he pushed and pushed marriage again. We got in to so many arguments, broke up a couple of times, but he still persisted. We finally had a civil ceremony because none of my family members wanted to attend except for my oldest brother. We got married and three months after because of all the family problems I had, I filed for divorce. He talked me out of it, he said if we moved to another state all will be better, he said that we would be able to show my family that we could be happy and prosper. So we did move, he applied for his work permit and ultimately a green card. There were many instances were I wanted to leave him but he would not let me, he was a great persuader. He finally got his green card this April 2010, and I told him I wanted a divorce, he signed I filed. If you are in a situation similar to mine, please listen to those around you, and to your heart, if there is a small ounce of doubt, listen to it. This is a good website, I did not pay much attention to the signs, but deep down I knew in my heart that something was not right. I chose not to believe in it. I met this Lebanese guy in July of 2006, he wanted to get married in November of that year. I talked to him into getting “engaged” first. I broke the “happy” news to my family and they were suspicious, especially my mother. He wanted to get married so fast, the excuse he put was that it was for religious purposes, for us to be able to live together etc. When 2007 came around he pushed and pushed marriage again. We got in to so many arguments, broke up a couple of times, but he still persisted. We finally had a civil ceremony because none of my family members wanted to attend except for my oldest brother. We got married and three months after because of all the family problems I had, I filed for divorce. He talked me out of it, he said if we moved to another state all will be better, he said that we would be able to show my family that we could be happy and prosper. So we did move, he applied for his work permit and ultimately a green card. There were many instances were I wanted to leave him but he would not let me, he was a great persuader. He finally got his green card this April 2010, and I told him I wanted a divorce, he signed I filed.

If you are in a situation similar to mine, please listen to those around you, and to your heart, if there is a small ounce of doubt, listen to it.

]]> Comment on Foreigners and Life Insurance by Coupon Trunk http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=23&cpage=1#comment-5486 Coupon Trunk Fri, 28 May 2010 02:59:38 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=23#comment-5486 Glad your husband was able to get life insurance! I didn't know that companies would reject applicants just for being from another country! Glad your husband was able to get life insurance! I didn’t know that companies would reject applicants just for being from another country!

]]> Comment on Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard? by Tonton http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19&cpage=1#comment-3931 Tonton Wed, 10 Mar 2010 20:52:11 +0000 http://www.imarriedanalien.com/?p=19#comment-3931 I might my girlfriend in college and we have been dating seriously for a 2 months now.....we hope to get marriend in the future and she knows i will require my greencard to future my education to the doctorate level but she keeps insisting that i love her because i want to use her for my greencard. I have a mum and a two beautiful sister who have taught me to respect woman cuz only a woman can give life and i will never hurt or let go of her. She is 5 years older than me but to me age is just a number and it takes ones mentally to mature. I love my girlfriend so much but she thinks i say this because i need a greencard from her. I am 24 years and not getting younger so is anyy wrong if i find my better half now........I wonder when is the best time in life a man life to get married. This marriage with greencard is a major problem in intercultural marriages especially in America. She want to get married to me but she is afraid i might let go of her....I care about so much that when she is sad i am sad too. I know she loves me so much and i love her more back but the issue of me needing this greencard with her help is always an excuse for her to start an argument that i don't love her and hence my love is conditioned based. It really saddens my soul when she says that and i wish she could understand me better. I love my girl friend so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please someone please help me i don wanna loose her because of a common greencard????? I might my girlfriend in college and we have been dating seriously for a 2 months now…..we hope to get marriend in the future and she knows i will require my greencard to future my education to the doctorate level but she keeps insisting that i love her because i want to use her for my greencard. I have a mum and a two beautiful sister who have taught me to respect woman cuz only a woman can give life and i will never hurt or let go of her. She is 5 years older than me but to me age is just a number and it takes ones mentally to mature. I love my girlfriend so much but she thinks i say this because i need a greencard from her. I am 24 years and not getting younger so is anyy wrong if i find my better half now……..I wonder when is the best time in life a man life to get married. This marriage with greencard is a major problem in intercultural marriages especially in America. She want to get married to me but she is afraid i might let go of her….I care about so much that when she is sad i am sad too. I know she loves me so much and i love her more back but the issue of me needing this greencard with her help is always an excuse for her to start an argument that i don’t love her and hence my love is conditioned based. It really saddens my soul when she says that and i wish she could understand me better. I love my girl friend so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please someone please help me i don wanna loose her because of a common greencard?????

]]>