Comments on: Foreign Spouse and Learning English

By: City27

City27 — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 13:03:25 +0000

I am Mexican-Hungarian, my husband is Italian, we live in Hungary. I learned Italian from him after 3 months, but after 8 years living here he cannot speak Hungarian! Problem is, other than not being able to communicate with my family here (which is quite embarrassing for me), he asks me everyday to call this or that person or solve him problems from work, but I am not his secretary. We both have our own different companies but work in the same office (our desks are next to each other). He is able to work most of the time using English, but when not, he asks me, and I do it because there is really no one else he could turn to. Hungarian language is really hard, its not my mother language but I speak it very well, though I am not able to teach it to my husband. I have searched him courses but he just doesn’t want to go (excuses: no time, or money). I do not pretend from him to speak it on a high level but to at least try! I feel he is being inconsiderate of my family and of the time I dedicate to solve his problems in Hungarian. On the other hand, I cannot force someone to learn a language he doesn’t want to. Any opinions? Should I keep helping him with translations, or oblige him to learn?

By: admin

admin — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 00:45:41 +0000

Hi Sam,

I totally understand. My husband has learned English, but only by coincidence through jobs, and even after more than 10 years, he still speaks with a very heavy accent and makes mistakes that I beg him to stop. (The biggest one is “What you said?” instead of “What did you say?”)

I actually only try to get him to correct that ONE error because it’s one that comes up even initially in conversations and job interviews, so I feel creates the wrong impression–it makes him look like he can’t understand, though he understands perfectly…

But will he correct that ONE error? He will not…

One possible tip–maybe consider getting her a female tutor for *speaking* practice not *studying*. The speaking practice makes a huge difference–even once a week, especially if the tutor is good and told in advance which phrases and situations to focus on. It’s much funner to do that than study too–especially if the tutor has the right personality. Whatever you do, don’t go with anyone who knows Spanish…Best of luck.

By: Stressed Sam

Stressed Sam — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:58:20 +0000

I was REALLY hoping you’d give some more pointers on how to make this happen. My marriage is on the rocks because my wife from Ecuador will NOT learn English. She has been in the US for 12 years and just can’t get it.

Does she want to? Yes. Does she study? No. Is she dumb? No, she’s got a master’s degree. So why won’t she? PLEASE, someone tell me!

It is the most frustrating thing in the world. We’ve got 3 kids which are getting to the age where they are passing their mom in language, and soon, she will not ever be able to have those heart-to-hearts with her kids because she doesn’t study, but rather complains how hard English is and what little time she has to study.

About ever six months she will go on these English bursts (like a kid who just drank 10 Cokes) which last a good 5 days. 6-7 hours per day of studying. Then, just as quick as it came, the studying stops.

I have told her that’s not the way to study. It’s better to study 1 hour per day EVERY DAY (or 10 minutes for that matter) than to study 7 hours per day for 10 days a year.

But there is a total disconnect.

Now my patience is next to utterly gone and it shows. How can you make the same mistakes after 10000s of corrections. It’s embarrassing when she says “Did you went the store?” HUH??? Why, oh why after 10 years do you even have those words come into your brain that way? “I no can espeak English.” PLEASE!

I’m at my witts end. Ugh.

By: admin

admin — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:48:43 +0000

Thank you for sharing! I think it’s helpful for spouses to know how stressful it is for the one who is required to change…It seems so easy until you have to do it yourself–even just taking a trip to beautiful Puerto Rico, as you mentioned, can be stressful due to immersion in a different culture and language.

By: Aspire to Grace

Aspire to Grace — Fri, 01 May 2009 02:57:57 +0000

Although my situation is not exactly the same, I can definitely sympathize. My husband is Puerto Rican and speaks both Spanish and English. Spanish is his first language but he speaks English fluently. Since his family is in Puerto Rico and do not speak English, the pressure is on me to learn Spanish.

I also love learning, but it can be stressful when we are there and I am immersed, although I have learned alot over the past couple of years, I am still far from considering myself to be fluent. I just have to keep practicing and know that it gets easier with time (and work).

Good for you for practicing patience. My husband (and his family) does the same for me and I can not imagine how difficult it would be without it.