Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard?

Please Note: I am not an attorney. This is not legal advice. Do not take this post as legal advice, as each case is unique. This post is a story about my experience with my spouse during the process of getting my husband’s marriage-based greencard in the US.

If your relationship shows all the signs of a healthy relationship–communication, each partner likes spending time with the other, interaction with each other’s family and friends, and so on, you probably don’t need to worry over this issue. Remember, people in most countries of the world are very patriotic and would NOT want to live in the US. People in poorer countries where life is a challenge often want to come to the US, Canada, Europe, Australia, and so on to make a living–but they most often do this through student visas, tourist visas, and work visas, not by trying to scam natives into marriage!

However, there are situations when people get duped in relationships for legal permanent residency in a country–like a greencard in the US, landed immigrant status in Canada, and so on. So, it doesn’t hurt to evaluate your relationship for signs just in case. When a partner is getting scammed, there are usually signs. Here are some signs that a partner may be trying to scam you (or that he or she may just be an undesirable partner!):

  1. He or she asks you for a lot of help pretty early in the relationship. Sure, partners ask for help sometimes. However, in the scam marriages, the dishonest partner was asking for WAY too much help early in the relationship–buy me a plane ticket, call me because I just can’t ever call you, I can’t use email because I need you to buy me a computer, I need new clothes, I can’t pay my rent, etc. (Note: My husband needed a little help when we were dating because his visa status didn’t allow him to work. But he LOVED me, so he almost never asked. And tried hard to refuse my help and figure out other ways. And he showed NO other signs below–he was attentive and warm always.)
  2. He or she tries to rush you into marriage.
  3. He or she tries to make you feel guilty for needing time to make a decision.
  4. He or she hasn’t introduced you to friends or relatives, or if they are in a different country, hasn’t even told them about you. If you are really suspicious, see how he or she reacts when you insist on marrying in their country in a ceremony attended by their family and friends.
  5. This person has lied to you about different things. (A liar is a liar and will be dishonest for many reasons, not one.)
  6. This person doesn’t do things a person in love would tend to do–call often, ask you on dates a lot, want to sit and talk to you for long periods of time, hold your hand, act affectionate, try to help you in different situations.
  7. Your friends tell you this person seems rude or seems to be using you. Even if you are blinded by love, your friends and family probably won’t be. A healthy partner in love will NOT treat you poorly. (Of course, it’s possible that a partner is mean, yet does NOT want a greencard. But who needs a mean partner regardless??)
  8. Your “partner” claims to love you but treats you very differently from how he treats his or her friends and family. He or she spends lots of time with friends or family, but barely has any time for you (though lots of excuses!).
  9. Anyone who makes wild promises and gives you too many gifts is suspicious. This person might give you huge compliments one moment, or gifts, especially if you have threatened to leave the relationship. But if the person just wants a greencard, he or she will not want to be with you very often and might act annoyed when you are together. If you find yourself asking questions like “Why don’t you call me more? Why do you always go out with your friends but never with me?” you have some things to figure out.

If you read this list and feel really suspicious, here are a few things you can do to gage your partner’s reaction:

  1. Talk about living together in his or her country rather than the US. Now, my husband would have said “No, we won’t make enough money there.” However, he would have been calm and respectful. If your partner gets irritable, angry, or acts completely shocked just because you brought this up, you might have a problem.
  2. Insist on getting married in his or her country too, particularly in a place of religious worship with your partner’s family in attendance. It may not be totally necessary if you know you’ll live here–that’s okay. Just ask to see how your partner reacts. But again, if your partner gets really freaked out about this suggestion, that’s a sign of a problem.
  3. Ask your partner for help in ways he or she can help you and see how he or she responds. If you have a fiance in Russia or China, for example, and you know she has NO money, ask her to send you photographs of places from her childhood–her school, her family, her pets, and so on. Ask her if she could send you a letter once a week in the mail because you miss her when you can’t call. If you get tons of excuses and no solutions every time you ask her to do something small and simple, you have a fiance who doesn’t love you enough to even mail a letter. Lose this person no doubt.

These tests will not definitely show you anything, but they may clue you into suspicious behavior and clue you in on the need to think further about possible issues. Also note: Your fiance may just be a less-than-desirable partner, and not necessarily a scammer. ALSO, there are many partners who scam people into marriage for reasons other than a greencard! Bottom line: Don’t marry a person you aren’t fulfilled with–marriage is hard enough even when you find the “perfect” partner. The challenges of intercultural marriage will cause a weak partnership to crumble. The partnership can only be strong if both people are reasonably respectful, kind, and healthy-minded.

76 thoughts on “Does My Foreign Fiance Just Want a Greencard?”

  1. Always asks important questions about marriage, family, career, goals, and future plans in detail in order to determine whether the person is interested in you or not. It should be similar to how job interview is at a major corporation for a good job. Think about how a hiring manger would be like conducting an interview for a candidate. If a person discusses more about their career plans or school and less about interviewing you than it shows he or she is more focused on marrying you for the wrong reasons. Pay attention to the eye contact, responses, response time, what details that they give, body language, and all. You can spot lies by the type of responses that they give such as quick answers to questions that require serious thought and so forth. The key thing is developing questions of what kind of marriage partner you want and what your family wants for you. Develop questions on that and it should be many questions. Know what type of person works for you and your family and ask questions to the potential candidates on their views. Never rush in marriage no matter what even if you get pressures from your parents, siblings, community, and all. It’s best to take your time. Finally, ask God for advice and rely on him for everything. He knows who is the right person for you so trust him than yourself and others. He won’t let you marry a person who is not good for you.

  2. I stumbled upon this site while searching for information because my brother in law is planning on marrying a Russian who is obviously using him. This will be her second marriage to an American man in less than three years! I do not know what to do because my husband does not want to get involved with things but it blatantly obvious that this woman (who is almost 20 years his junior) is using him so she can gain her citizenship. She is rushing him to marry her this month as she will soon be sent back…and I am sure after the wedding she will do whatever it takes to get pregnant and further solidify her status as a US citizen. What can I do?? Who can be called especially considering that this person has duped another man into marriage so recently? I cannot believe this is happening.

  3. WORRIED! – I’m currently in a relationship with an African guy. He’s from Dakar, Senegal. We met in October 2012 and he discussed marriage between us that December 2012!! We seemed to move very quickly..we even moved in together. It’s February 2013 and he would like to get married next month. BUT after reading all these stories and getting advise from a couple of my friends I realize this may not be the best thing for me to do? I’m 24 years old and he’s 25. He has a visa through his school that he attends. But why marriage so fast? I asked him and his answers are that we can live together without sin. (HE IS MUSLIM). I can help us more financially and take care of us better. Although I have met some of his friends I have not talked or heard from his mom or dad and vice versa. I really don’t know what to do?. I really do love him and he’s showing affection and doing really nice things for me..NO ABUSE. It’s very hard to believe that he would try to manipulate me to get a greencard. But all at the same time, you don’t really know how far a person, who is desperate, would go!

  4. I am a US citizen but have heard many stories of US citizen holders being conned into marriages/relationships for US citizenship.

    As a matter of fact, I currently have a room mate who holds a green card and the few times I ask how he got it he brushes the question off. I know for a fact he got it through shady means.

    I say be careful because this guy is dating 3 different US girls. Its not that he is attractive, rich, or charming but its because he picks his targets well. I notice the women he is dating are somewhat below-average to average and seem insecure of themselves. I feel so bad for these women because one of them was already in a relationship before he came into the picture and caused them to break up.

    To the people who are wondering whether or not they really love you or the green card, be real and ask yourself. Would any other person sweet talk me this much in this short period of a time? This person is so attractive, yet still single and is interested in average me? If I was not a US citizen, would this person even talk to me?

    I have the inside scoop of some stories. For example, my room mate mentioned he had a guy friend who is really attractive marry a girl who is not at all pretty just so he can get a Australian citizenship. He was forced to have 2 kids with her but right after he got his citizenship, he left her and the kids. She is on her own now, but perhaps that was the deal. At least she has 2 children whose father was an attractive specimen.

  5. I am a 57 year old woman from canada. For the first time I have connected on line with a man the same age from Cameroon Africa. We have been chatting and talking voice talk for the past couple of months. He is now moving forward talking about being together here in Canada.

    He appears to have been very honest in regards to his conditions in his country and his wish to leave for here which also means leaving 6 children behind.

    Is it not possible for relations such as this to actually work and thrive ? I am a sceptic by nature but also want to believe that these relationships can sometimes work out well.

    Feedback anyone?

  6. I also have had a similar, and difficult experience. Luckily it did not last long. I met Sam about 2 months ago via a mutual friend. He is from Mexico, had entered legally with a work visa, but is now overstayed. He came on extremely strong, but also seemed sincere – called me all the time, introduced me to his family in Mexico on the phone, talked about plans for being together. I hesitated a bit when he would talk about buying a house, getting married, etc, but then at moments, I got swept up in it as well. After 1 month, he proposed to me, diamond ring and all. I said yes, but later spoke to him about taking our time. He got angry and accused me of not knowing what I wanted. I backed off, out of fear and confusion, and went with his timeline (to be married within the month). Luckily, my intuition and inner voice became louder. Just this past Monday I said to him, point blank, we need more time to know each other. He immediately broke up with me. Lol. It’s almost comical. Turns out, in the end, that he had asked our mutual friend to marry him for papers at one point. He had also been engaged with another girlfriend who called it off quickly as well. Now he claims that he doesn’t care to stay here (when just a week ago, he was talking about where we should buy our first house). What’s most confusing is that you see, hear, feel with your own eyes, ears, and heart, something that seems so sincere. And then it just turns on you, and you are forced to question your entire perception of the world. Like I said, I’m lucky because I had the strength to say what I needed, knowing that his true colors would shine through. And did they ever. I feel bad for him, and his situation… it’s a desperate one (though, work visas are perfectly renewable…). But there’s never an excuse to treat someone the way he did me. None of us deserve this. Eyes wide open.

  7. Hey im In the same loop …. i think the Best thing to do is not Marry anyone over sees … sooner or later the truth will come out… at first it all lovely den theyll make ur life so impossible once they get wat they want… i brought my husband from the dominican republic, i traveled for 5yrs back n forth… n it still wasnt enough… he never called me i always had to call him.. n wen he got here i saw everything online he was doing. Those years …. he was cheating on me talkin wit girls online… weve been married 2 years and continues to do the same, but payback is coming. Hes has a interview ina few mnths to get his permanit card which i wont attend so everything will be cancled n den divorce n deport his azz…..

  8. Wow! This is great website. It enlightened me. I am married to a guy from Jamaica. Took up him and his 2 year old daughter off the street 4 yrs ago and this is the same thing as mentioned I’m going through. Since he got his Green Card he has travelled to Jamaica twice without me and I cannot talk to his little girl. He has families that don’t even know me or my name because he calls me the lady when he tals to them about me. I found out his lies and that he is only using me. He only has a 2 year temporary Green Card and I need to know what to do when his 10 year green card is due to update next year. He denies all his lies and is trying to swear to me he did not marry to me for a Green Card. To me he only wants me for my car and to babysit his daughter, and the benefits of my Insurances. I left him.

  9. Re: Gionni DeRosa, I feel bad for you. Personally I would rather be alone than live with the kind of person you described. You are getting emotionally blackmailed. Stop wasting your prime years, get help, therapy and be optimistic about your own future. There are 3 billion women on this planet, chances are in your favor of finding the right one.

    I am speaking from experience, I was duped by a cold, distant, calculating green card seeker.

  10. I have met this guy online in 2011 on facebook, he sent me a friend request, i added him, he sent me a message but I didn’t answer till 2 weeks later, we started talking, it was like normal talking, nothing special, he had a picture of an Indian actor, so i thought it was him, later i found out it wasn’t him, I sent him a very long message telling him he’s such a liar, I never wanna talk to you again, leave me alone, all that, immediately he answer me back, and show me a picture of him, his real account, his friends, his family, he told me he started feeling bad after 10 days of talking but he was trying to tell me, but he didn’t wanna hurt me, I was kind of feeling for the other guy(the one in the pic) then i started to talk to him more and more, one day, he said “i love you” I didn’t say it back, that was like a month and a half after we started talking, then i was starting to feel something for him, something i never felt before, it wasn’t lust, or infatuation, to me it was love, he was the one that asked me to be his gf, i said no, he never stop speaking to me, a month later, he asked me again, i said yes, he’s from India, he’s 19, I wanna talk to his parents, he has talk a little bit with my mom, but he wants to talk with the whole family, my mom doesn’t see any future so she doesn’t care, and I don’t want him to talk to my family, what if they say something inappropriate? his best friend knows about me, and some of his classmates, but nobody else, I guess i can understand that, he’s 19, his parents basically control him, they pay for everything, he has asked his mom, what would happen if i marry a girl outside my caste? she said, you will have to leave this house forever” months later he told me he wants to leave his family so we can be together, but first he wants to buy them a car so they’ll have no problem and that way they can remember him. yes, he has said “I want to marry you” but one time he mentioned the green card, when he did, i was thinking, so he said”doubts”? then he said, i’ll never talk about it again and he hasn’t since, he wants to marry but the right way, a beautiful wedding, not rushed, and he’s studying so he has to study like another 4 years in India, he has even told me that he can study meaning switch careers to be a chef and then we can meet earlier, he has said beautiful things, talked to me a lot, he even doesn’t sleep sometimes, he says he can’t concentrate in his studies, he’s introvert, so he spends most of his time in his room, or just in college, he has told me, I wanna get you pregnant so my family would accept you, which is crazy, i’m not gonna do that. I really wanna be sure that he’s not using me so he can become a US citizen, My plans are for me to travel there and meet him, hopefully i’ll know if he’s serious or not. he says, he thinks about me wearing a sari and all, Should I tell him or pressure him in a way so i can know? to talk to his parents? not personally but via mail or online. his brother speaks and understand English very well. btw, we’re both virgins so i guess that’s a plus, lol

    any tips on what i should do in this kind of situation? :)

  11. I’m in a situation where I have dated a man that came to the US illegally. ( He is now in his country) In the beginning of the relationship, everything was perfect, but the last few years of it have been rocky. (trust issues). We have stayed in contact and I plan to go visit him soon to try and give us one last chance. Everyone is telling me that he is using me for his green card, but I find it hard to believe since if that was all he wanted, then he could easily pay off some dominican girl and get his green card, but he didnt. So I am not sure what to think. When he asked me a couple of years ago, to marry, I told him no because I was still in school. And he stayed with me and didnt mention it again. He tells me he prefers to stay in his country but he will come here for me. …not sure what to do

  12. This is more of a tale from experience for those American nationals thinking of marrying someone from abroad. I married a Southeast Asian in late 2007, brought her here in 2010 November, she had relatives in Philladelphia and I was in Boston. This was an arranged marriage because I had taken on Islam and that was what I wanted to do. Anyway she wasn’t very religious and neither and I. Prior to us being married I travelled several times to her country where her family welcomed me in. Then when she got here in early November saw where I lived she was immediately depressed and withdrawn. I told her my place was just a one bedroom apartment aside from the kind of huge house she was used to in her country. Anyway on the 3rd day she was with me she called her family in Philadelphia and they arranged for a train ticket for her and she was gone on Sunday. I didn’t see her for two weeks. I FELT SO FUCKING STUPID.

    She came back to me for a few weeks and in December New Years Eve she arranged a ticket to go to her family in Philly for what was to be a 10 day get away. Well ten days turned into six months and I didn’t know where she lived as neither of her family would tell me where they lived. I found out the town but not the address. One Saturday Morning in February of 2011 a knock on my door from my land lord indicating to me that my wife was out on the front door with the police. Mind you my land lord told the police I was at work and that he couldn’t let my wife in because I instructed him not to and that I had the locks changed. She wanted to get her clothes that she left. I was so angry with this situation that I told my landlord to tell the police and my wife that I am not home. They went away leaving my wife and her brother at my door in the cold.

    Later that day I went to the Police station to find out why she had gone to them and they said that she came to them out of fear of me. I explained my situation to them and that I have never given my wife any reason to fear me nor was there ever any suggestion of abuse on my part. After six months of no contact other than an email from my wife telling me “Fuck you” that she shows up.

    Oh yeah I forgot to mention that just before she left on New Years Eve 2010/2011 she got her 10 yr greeen card and social security. While she was gone I went through her papers from her country that she had and what I found was shocking. She has thousands of dollars in credit card debt under altered versions of her first and altered versions of my last name. This is what she wanted to get from me using the police. She wanted to hide this fact because I have no doubt in my mind that she was planning on hiring a lawyer to divorce me and make me pay her alimoney. Several month later that year in 2011 she came begging back to me to take her back. I was ready to divorce her and cut ties but I think she was truly sorry. I took her back with conditions that she go to school for English classes and that she get a job. She did that but it didn’t last. Now we don’t talk barely, she spends every weekend with her family that has now moved up from Philly to MA and she tells me that she is depressed and many occassions that she doesn’t love me and won’t have a child with me either. I have been having money problems ever since she got back and she has been unwilling to assist me. Her reaction to it is “it’s not my problem and is your responsibility, I have to ask her to borrow money for few things and I have to make her pay it back which I do.

    I am 40yrs old now. I have no other family left, no possible hope for a normal life with this girl. She continually compares me to her brother in-law from her sister’s marriage and I hate it.

    In closing I think my wife must have had some idea that in America we are all rich and once women from her country marry an American they can live on easy street. Lately it seems that we have very little communication and she is not recipricol with affection and we don’t even have sex anymore. I feel as though my home life I am walking on eggshells all the time.

    I suggested that we go to counselling but she resists and has threatened to take her own life if I leave her. She is emotionally immature and immature on many levels as she has been used to getting everything handed to her. I gave this a second shot but it is not working out. I am thinking of calling it quits but I know she will come back to me with a lawsuit as another one of her sisters have already done this with her husband but their situation is different than mine or maybe it really isn’t.

  13. I met a lady from china. She’s come back and forth to visit me 5 times in America. I also went to china to visit her and her family which I got to meet and I also stay with her at her condo for three weeks. Then her mother passed away about 8 months later and we lost touch for almost 2 years, Now we’re back together again and she brought her son with her which is rare for china to let her son leave the country. At first I had my suspicions about her, but now she’s introducing me to all her friends here in America. Which I appriciate. Now she must return to China 1 more time which I think is kinda wierd, but she is leaving her son with me here in America this time and he just enrolled in high school. I think this is a genuine relationship or she is doing a real good job of duping me…

  14. I am totally confused about my relationship with my husband. I dated my husband for about six months prior to marrying him in July. This is his second marriage and he has two daughters from his previous marriage. From the beginning of our relationship and up to now, he has always treated me with great respect and lovingly. However, in the back of my mind, I have always questioned his motives from the beginning. He recently was granted probational permanent residency. Throughout this process and now, it appears that his entire focus is immigration. Now, his focus is his daughter’s status in the U.S. One of his daughters was born here and the other overstayed on a visa. As such, she is here illegally. It appears to me that he is now wanting me to help his daughter. Nevertheless, I have never met his daughters because he has told me that they do not want to meet me. Ironically, I have met his parents, and they are adorable. In any case, he has asked me if it would be possible for me to help his daughter, if she was living with us. This is something, that I will not do. As I am becoming increasingly skeptical of my husband’s motives. Moreover, he recently let a comment out of the bag about what his best friend had said to him. He told me that his friend used to think that my husband married me only for the green card because he thought that I was not his type. My husband claims that he told his friend differently- that he really loves me. But, I am thinking differently because in my mind, why would this conversation even arise. By the way, his friend does not have status and it appears that he is plotting to find an American as well. So, birds of a feather flock together, right?

    Help! I am increasingly becoming confused. One, he will not tell his daughters about me. Two a red flag came up when he discussed this conversation that he had with his friend.
    What would you do? He has not been granted permanent residency, it is conditional. It will be granted in two years. His behavior is suspicious.

  15. I met my husband online, sadly I was so naive about ppl looking for the green card at that time. He was warm, funny and so very loving very early on. Naturally, I didn’t go for it and kept him as friend but with time (it felt so good) I began to believe him. We’d talk online for long hours daily. Things were going too slow for him i realize that now, so he suddenly started to act hurt, cast doubts about my feelings for him prompting me to reassure him. He asked me to meet him in his home country, I put him off for nearly a year but it was so difficult. All the time he’d say that I was his love, his life. He proposed and asked my mom for my hand in marriage, she objected but I was old enough to decide for myself. I flew to lebanon, met him and his immediate family, some friends too. We decided to marry and did during my third week there. Returned home and began the immigration paperwork. Sadly, it was during the time that INS was backlogged by about 9-10 months, he didnt believe that because ppl he knew had their paperwork done in a few months and said we’d never be able to be together so better to break up. I was devastated. He later came to apologize and was ready to wait. Impatient that he is, two months later he began all the 20/20 questioning and assuming tht something had to be wrong and we’d not be together. By this time he was asking to be reassured quite often and when i’d question him about it he’d say that we are married and should be together soon. He had no real interest to come here to work in a gas station when he was doing better at home, but he was coming for me! The bells kept ringing in my head and I did not want to hear them yet I could not stop from hearing them. Now I know that besides the feelings one has invested it is the time, the plans and dreams that make it so difficult to acknowledge all the signs. Yes he lied, yes he cheated (according to him only when we broke up) As time continued, his urgency became more evident and I could not blind myself more. By that time we’d received our first approval and the case went to nvc, and I began slowing down the papers. The more focused on the papers, the more I subconsciously I slowed the process. If he is true, he will wait. Several other friends had their husbands visas by then and as each one entered the US, the horror stories began and the more I became hesitant. We had more arguments and finally he broke it off and I left it alone. I stopped the whole process from continuing. Many ppl said go ahead and finish it, your husband will come to you then. That just did not make sense to me (tho i was tempted) it felt that by doing such is rewarding him for his behavior and opening myself for big time manipulation when he’d be here. After hearing all the other women’s stories.. I said no way do I need to be in the same boat. BTW, he refused to divorce me I found out it is so that I’d have to initiate the divorce and in doing so, he would no longer be bound to paying me the money accorded in the contract (muslim) So now I need to find out how to divorce! Any advice?
    Also, thinking that there should be a site where ppl can input the information of their cheater and story and others can use it see if their current charming foreigner’s name appears as having cheated before. What do you think?

  16. American citizens, please be careful! I’ve met this guy from Ukraine online a year and a half ago. He looked like a nice man, 32 y.o. claimed never been married and no kids. I am 34 y.o. with a 5 y.o. child. We started going out and dated for 6 months then he moved in. Every day I would find out something, he would lie to me about anything. At first he said he was in the middle of getting divorced with a woman whom he married for papers. Then I found out that he failed 2 interviews! He lied to me about that. Then he always tried using me like getting a car for him, getting a car insurance on my name, he rashed into marriage (I hesitated). I only spoke to his mom once for 1 minute before he took the phone from him and I knew nothing about him!My mom came to visit and told me she does not like the guy cause he is not being honest and open. I was ignoring her but eventually she was right! I found out that he picked the password to my facebook account, kept checking my phone and recently, I even found a spy bug pen in my bedroom! He was listening and videotaping my mom when she was talking to me. I threw him out of my place but he does not wanna leave. I am forced to call the police. I am lucky I own my place and he is not on my lease or anything. He wants all his gifts back and even some stuff that I bought for the money he gave me for rent. Like some furniture, he said he wants to go to Court for that! Today, I got a new surprise, since he still did not pick up his stuff, I found marriage band that he hided! Apparently he is still married to someone in the Ukraine! There is no way I could check that out cause they don’t have Internet all over his native country. I am shocked and keep punishing myself for being stupid and naive. Thanks god, I did not marry him. People, be careful when you get involved with foreigners.

  17. With my husband, I tried to view him as I would have viewed any other man–I asked myself if I thought he would make a good husband, be a good father, and be faithful, kind, and honest. I felt he would, and we got married.

    One question you might want to check into…if your boyfriend’s visa expired, how is he able to legally stay? Usually if a visa is expired, a person is unable to legally stay–unless there is a new visa or a greencard…Also, remember, if his visa is expired (and he has no legal means to be in the US like a new visa, for example) and he goes home to Turkey, he may not be able to re-enter the US for many years.

  18. Hey I need some advice, I have been with my Turkish boyfriend for a year . He has told me since the beginning that he came to America so he doesn’t have to go into the army . His visa expired but has his papers to legally stay. Because his visa is expired the time he was worked and gone to school in America doesn’t count so he will need to get married for that time to matter and so he won’t have to go. I love him a lot and he knows that. He treats me like a princess and tells me he loves me more then anything. The whole situation makes me very uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do. Would I be a fool to stick by him with the chance for him to just leave me after he gets what he needs ?

  19. Hi there,
    thanks God I saw your website by searching on google about green card and alien and how to void my married with my husband that since i known him more than 2 years only one thing i keep hearing from him about paper asking me why i did not file it yet he always telling me that he loves me and i am the only one girl for him but that only words from coming from his mouth but action he does not do nothing and we always fighting too for something that is no commonsense and he always walked away never wanna hear how i feel and the most thing we get into fights when i caught him lied and he hide things behind my back i really dont wanna deal with this kind of relationship with him i do so much with my husband but he does not appreciate most everything i done for him i dont know what i am going to do especially when he treated me that he will take me down with him,my husband he can tell his problems to me and stories and i do listened but when it comes to my feelings he wont listened to me,please help me. thank you,

  20. Word of advise for women, some countries have real bad reputations for fiancee with US citizens. I work with a lot of immigrant cases and this is my advise for women:
    1) Most guys from places like Nigeria, the Dominican Republic and Brazil usually almost never really into the relationships for the right reasons. Also, a large chunk of men from developing countries prefer virgin women or women with almost no sexual experience. If they learn that the US bride/girlfriend does not fall in this category, they lose respect for her/them very quickly and will most likely cheat and stay in the relationship for the papers. I have seen that many many times over and over again.
    2) For guys, I will really try to stay away from women that grew up in communist countries. A lot of these girls will play you like a fool in no time with no shame or second thoughts. That include most of Eastern Europe. Russia, Former Soviet Union countries and China. Once in the US they might claim abuse or will call the cops on you. they know how to play the legal system very well.

    My advise for all, prenup, prenup, prenup! up even if you do not have anything for your own protection and mental sanity

  21. By the way.. he says he is getting married to another woman (a friend) who “suddenly” decided to “help him,” for me.. yet he has never provided for us and I have always been able to support my children. IN fact.. I have been the one to support and help him many times.

  22. My boyfriend announced to me that he will be getting married to another woman. He is an illegal alien and came into the country illegaly. We have a new born child, but since he has not been very faithful, nor treated me exactly wiht respect I decided to not marry until I saw something in him that would tell me he loved me. He said he could not wait and got angry, he said I need to get married.. someday my child will ask you why didn’t you help me.. etc. I then knew why he wanted marriage.. it was not love. So instead of fixing anything he now says he is getting married for me and the child.. so he could provide for us. i am very sad, and told him i would not be around while he is married with another woman. he says i’m being selfish, and wants me to keep being his girlfriend while he is married because apparently it is somehow my fault he is getting married. He once told me he would only marry for love.. but i dont think that is quite accurate. I am sad for he says once he marries and gets his papers he will fight me for the baby. He says that he decided this after Obama announced what he would be implementing.. he said it made it easier and it was a risk worth taking… whatever the outcome. It is unfortunate… I bet Obama did not expect many individuals to react or hurt others like this… I am sure I am not the only one.

  23. Hi I’m Jane,

    I live in Australia and my boyfriend of 9-10months is from Estonia in Europe, when we first met he was working for the first 3 months of our relationship he was also with another friend backpacking in Australia who was also from Estonia. He fell in “love” early in our relationship but the feeling was not mutual. After being with each other practically everyday he decided he wanted to do more back packing around australia and wanted me to join both him and his friend I wasn’t sure at first but in the end he convinced me to join. Since then he seems to be insisting on marriage and children as I am only 18 I’m not ready for kids (his 23) he then came back to live with me in my mums house along with his friend. He is unemployed and I am currently working and do is his friend do he’s living off both our wages but mainly mine. He has promised me he will be able to access his savings his saved during his trip in aus but it’s been over a month and he says the bank has told him it will be in tomorow but it’s the same story everyday and his still using my mines in the mean time m not sure if he’s using me for a green card or if he genuinely can’t get his money? His professed his love many times and is sad when I’m sad he tells me if it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be in Australia but I have a gut feeling his using me.

  24. well i have been married about a yr and got my hubby his papers right away.we were good until his mom came to visit i kinda feel like she dont like me and also like she didnt want him to?get we have been to his place where he was born and he treated me very ugly i dont now if its because im with out anyone oit there or what the 2 time around as well. now we are back in the us and his mom talks to me but recently i feel like he dont love me anymore i feel like hes talking to someone else idk.also he looks at a lot of porn .mabe his not into me and just used me for the greencard?so what do i do?also what happens when i file for a divorce we have been married a short time will they take it away? plz help me i need advise i dont want to be in this same position next year.i just want to see if they will take away the greencard? i feel he just used me.. a** h**!!!

  25. Trust your gut. If something ‘feels’ off, then listen to that feeling.

    In my situation, my husband started screaming divorce right after our second wedding anniversary. I found out later he had opened a private checking account and had been transferring money out of our joint checking just two weeks after our second anniversary.

    Never acknowledge by the parents, never introduced to friends. For all intents and purposes, was his secret.

    Lived off of my scholarship income for a year before he could work legally in this country, only to be ripped off later.

    There is a reason these guys/gals want to rush into marriage, a reason they worship everything you do, a reason it seems a little off. Listen to that feeling or else you only have yourself to blame.

  26. im tunisian girl live in holland my boyfriend has a visa in francestudies and has a good education he acturly never mentioned about papers but i know that his visa expires 29 octobre 2012 i told him i will help him to get married soon he said im scared that you’de think i would marry you for papers but we never mentioned this problem again i’ve learned alot of him he learned how to live and how to talk with people im a shy person and stupid sometimes but because of him i woke up acturly he treat me very well and talks about the future he said i won’t promis you everything maybe it won’t work out for me but when i can I will get you the live you want he said i can finish school and he will work and get the money and ect.. acturly nothing bad it seems so nice and sweet we’re in love ( at least i know I AM) he acturly told me his secrets and stuff that acturly are humiliating i did too and his advice how he treats me when i get angry or sad its like im in heaven would it change? i mean i told him that i would help him but because inside my heart i feel that he loves me i dont know what to do i need help ASAP :(ps sorry for my bad english

  27. I just found out my boyfriend’s visa will get cancelled any time from now to late next year

    We have only been together a few months but the relationship feels genuine – there are none of the listed warning signs present except perhaps the excessive gift buying/him spending money on me on dates etc… he mentioned when he told me his visa status that his only hope to stay is to get married but didn’t talk explicitly about marrying ME at all…

    Still… How can you ever know until you’ve given them everything? It’s such a big risk… I guess rich people who marry non-rich people without a prenup go through the same thing…

    I am having a really tough time trying to let our relationship grow organically now… on the one hand I feel like I should pull back or even break up with him because I’ll just have to do it later on when it will hurt more if he gets deported or becomes illegal… But on the other hand I want to push the relationship forward because I really like him and maybe I could feel OK about marrying him before time runs out… but I don’t think I would… but I really don’t want to break up either!

    What is the lesser of 2 evils – throwing away what is and might continue to be a good relationship with someone, or marrying them before you’re sure about it?

    Ugh what a mess… immigration sucks.

  28. Hello everyone, I am 22 years old and have been talking to this guy from the dominican republic for almost three years and he is 25 yrs old. We met online and we talked for a whole year before I decided to go visit him in the dominican republic, although I did not go directly to his home town in Santiago he drove 6 hours away to pick me up from a resort he came with his uncle and I was with my two dance directors. I remember meeting him at the resort and he was trembling when he met me he was stuttering and was soo nervous it was too cute. We then drove to his home town of Santiago where I met all his family I stayed there for a week and we had no sexual contact but we did kiss. After that, we maintained contact online and talked almost everyday I also talked to his mom and his family very frequently but I felt like this story was too good to be true he always told me he didn’t have anyone but something told me he did. In december of 2010 (2 months after meeeting him) I came to visit him and his family for christmas and something told me to view his stuff on his computer while he was at work and I did. Sure enough I found a message from a girl who was in the past his girlfriend I realized she was the same girl who always sat next door at his neighbors house and also the niece of his good friend not to mention good friends with HIS best friend I was soo mad and hurt about this because he later admitted to me that he had sex with her before seeing me at the resort literally a week before hand. I do want to mention that this girl was married with a baby boy and was having an affiar with my boyfriend…it seems like she did this everytime she came down to visit her family in santiago. Later I came in the summer and stayed for two months and found emails he had with this older lady a month before he met me the first time and this lady was married…once again I was shocked and so mad at him…he apologized for lying to me…and despite all of this I know all his friends his family his distant family and me and him have so much in common but the beginning of the relationship was terrible not to mention he lied to me about school he told me that he was going to college and later I found out through his aunt that it was a lie. After all of this I asked him to go to school, sale his motorcyle(his brother go in a fatal car accident) and buy a car and try to be honest with me from now on. As of now he is going to school, he sold his motorcycle and bought a car he is fixing up and tries to be honest with me. But I dont know anymore…something tells me that I should walk away from the situation…even though this guy is my first love I don’t know what to do…also I just bought my plane ticket to go for christmas and hes buying me my ticket to come back as he did december of last year but something is telling me not to go…HELP

  29. I recently got engaged to a 30 year old lady from Peru. Im 30 also. I must say that she has done things for me that PROVE without a doubt she really does love me. I went to Peru, met her family, asked their permission to marry their daughter, and they all loved me. Her Dad calls me “Son” all the time, but he speaks little English.

    This past Friday, SHE (my fiance) insisted I come see her for new year’s. SHE bought my plane ticket. I insisted that she not do that, but she was in tears because she wanted to see me. She bought the ticket. We just started the paperwork for her to come here on a K-1 Fiance visa, and she should be here in June or so (I hope).

    I love this woman so much. We talk through WhatsApp messenger all the time, and she calls me often because in South America they are a “prepaid” kind of system and they can make international calls without a problem, unlike here in the US. Im blessed to have met a rare, one in a million gem.


  30. My mother in law got married to a very young guy who is almost the age of my husband. They rushed into marriage and he has done things that are a little werid. He doesnt make alot of money and she mostly pays for all his things even when they where dating. He would even ask me, there has been many problems him. My mother in law as even said that she knows they wont last due to their issues and future issues. My husband and i strongly believe that he married her for her money and her to get the green. My husband has refused to give her a green card through him due to issues that have happen in the past. She is under going investigation about her marriage, what can we due in order for her not to commit fraud

  31. This has been a great source for me!! I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is going to be 26 . We have been dating since 2005 so I already met his family and he has met mines. He’s always affectionate, respectful, and he never asks me for money either. I can’t complain about him . He lives in the Dominican republic and I live in new York. We communicate through letters, Facebook, and obviously through the phone. I was there not so long ago and he treated me like a princess. He never brings me down instead he speaks to with kind words. He gives great advice and my family has seen how great of a man he is. Should I be worried?? Lol would that change when he gets here???

  32. I have been dating my fiance for about 6 months now, he is absolutely BEYOND amazing. He shows me off to his friends, he talks to his family about me non stop, he constantly wants to spend time w/ me. He cares for my every need, when I am sick he is there to comfort me. I have a 2 year old son from a previous relationship, he is absolutely WONDERFUL w/ my son. The only thing that I question is his intentions, he says he loves me and I believe it without a doubt because ive never felt love like this before, he is sooo smart and is so focused on school he wants to gradute and become something better then most people in his situation. He proposed to me after only 2 months which is what makes me iffy.. I was not ready so we have had a long engagement and we stil are not ready to get married anytime soon, but he told me that I was the one person he wants to spend forever with, and that is why he proposed.. idk I just really hope Im doing the right thing, I would hate to get my son involved in something that could be a great experience, or a really really bad one… help?

  33. I have to agree with Sarah. Men from other countries do not operate as we expect. They place a high premium on CONTROLLING the wife, not LOVING her. See Biderman’s Chart of Coercion. It’s a chart that describes abusive brainwashing techniques used by prison guards, but I bet your hubby’s tactics are there.
    Marriage in other countries isn’t always about a partnership. If your marriage ceremony included a bride price….watch out. You really will be treated like property.

  34. Please people do not rush into marrying a foreigner, take many years to make sure they really want to be with you. I have been married to a foreigner for over 5 years, we have kids together and it makes things much more difficult. I just found out he has been cheating on me for over He was not legal in the states anymore and wanted to rush into marriage, we were married very quickly and we fought a lot. I was thinking of leaving then ended up pregnant. Charming is the exact word to describe him, that is it he swept me off my feet and once married the skeletons came out of the closet fast. I am in such a mess now, and now we have kids in the mix. Please be very careful if not for yourself, think of the children you may someday have with this person.

  35. It is so sad to read these stories, I am someone who was taken advantage of and used for a Greencard. People (male and female) prey on people “looking for love and happiness”, but aren’t we all? I have been married twice, first a widow, then married someone from Ireland. Very nice outstanding guy, said all the right things, just swept me off my feet! Unfortunately, I didn’t do my homework and I got stuck with a really huge mess. He was staying in contact with his ex-wife, (calling when I was at work), he didn’t work, didn’t want to work, and expected me to pay for everything. I did everything for him, was the perfect wife, but it didn’t matter, he had other plans. Needless to say, we are divorced, and I thank GOD I had a prenuptial agreement done, (which was hard to get him to sign, which should have told me something) but he got nothing but his Greencard, which was exactly what he wanted and was priceless to him. Like the saying goes “If I knew then what I know now!” Get to truly know the person before you say, “I do.” If you do not, and you go through with it, then you have only opened the door to a future of further and greater suspicion, unhappiness and a lot of crying and heartache, and believe me, these things don’t affect them in the least, so don’t waste your time asking them “Why?”, it’s like talking to a rock. Also, if you are questioning the relationship before you say “I do”, than believe me that should be enough of a caution sign, something inside you is trying to tell you something and you really need to take a step back from relationship. There ARE plenty of fish in the sea, it’s just that the majority seem to be only barracudas and opportunist, it gets frustrating looking for that needle in the haystack! I still hurt from the deceit and lies, and it makes it difficult to move onto another relationship, so always look at the future type of damage this can put on you in your future relationships. If someone say’s they love you, they will wait, absences makes the heart grow fonder, but if someone pressures you to do something that gives you doubts, then it’s not love, believe me! There are times when you need to think with your head and not with your heart.

  36. Ok so here is my situation. I am currently in a relationship with a beautiful gurl and we been together for about 5 months now. I am an illegal alien but she is a natural born citizen. Personally i would never want to marry someone just to get permanent residency in the U.S. however, because of all the laws i can not legalize alone. I did come into the country by legal means with a tourist visa back when i was 4yrs old, but it expired and i stayed longer than i should have. So the thing is that i see her as someone i would want to marry cuz everything is great in our relationship, but i have not yet told her that i am an illegal alien, she thinks i was born in the states. The reason i didnt tell her is because i was scared she was going to be like my past gf. I had told her that i was illegal in the country and she flipped and broke up with me. I mean what advice do you have for me? A part of me wants to tell her then another part doesnt………and by the way i know that ill probably get my residency in the country in 3yrs i mean should i wait till then or jus tell her now?

  37. wow, all this is interesting and very true to my situation. I met a guy online who lives in Sth Africa but is from the Congo. I am Australian and live in Australia, We tried unsuccessfully twice to get a visitor visa for him to visit, so I have been there twice. The first time was amazing he was so attentive loving, saw his friends- cant say actually met them as I sat in the car and they came and saw me (weird to think about it). I talked to one of his work colleagues who said he talked about me lots.

    My suspicions are more that he spent so much time with his friends despite me going around the world to spend time with him ( I only had a week)=and why didnt he include me to see them?. The second time I went 3 months later he was less attentive and spent more time away. He never had enough money and I was left to pay for rentals, apartment, car and food as well as outtings. I know I earn more then him but it is always.

    After our first meeting I was totally in love with him and we came up with plans for him to come here. He had so many obsticles including being in another country on a visa associated with an ex- so I sent money to him to “help” him stay in Sth Africa on his own. So that we could say we were together. Despite me sacrificing everything here to do this he got no where with this and all the money kept going on medical bills or ????? (who knows).

    He has never lied to me and everything he has said has been able to be backed up. He says he loves me, says he wants a family and to be with me. I tried to say I would live there and he accepted that but I got too homesick, so that is not a possibility.

    On my second time there he wanted to talk about marriage- we have been together for 7 months. I told him I am not ready- and he says he will wait as I am the one he wants to do it with. He wants me to take a loan now and try for another visitor visa. He has now lost his job, and his ex is blackmailing him for the right to stay in South Africa under her…as she has found out about me. He says he has told his family but I haven’t talked to them or met them as they are in the Congo.

    I am so lost as I don’t know whether I am being silly in trusting him, if love really blinds what we should trust. I love him and want to make it work, but i also want him to take responsibility to come here and get a visa in his own right- but he is limited to how he can come here (as we discovered to visit isnt even easy). I am torn as you can read in what I want and y heart wants and all the other things that are going on. I cant talk to him as he gets angry as he says he has got enough stress going on.

    Can someone help??

  38. My sister has met a guy from Lebanon. They have been talking every day for nearly a year now.she recently went to see him for 2months.
    He is the only son and he has his mum and two sisters in Lebanon.his father has passed away leaving the family with a restaurant to run,and currently is working casual somewhere.
    I have asked him when he plans to come visit my sister in Australia and he tells me when he gets a per pernament job next year he will come and he will let me know when he starts to plan it.
    The thing is my sister is willing to wait for him and I do not think under his circumstances that he will ever want to leave his country because he’s looking for a per ament position for more benefits to help his family.
    I am afraid that she is wasting her time waiting for this guy as she is extremely innocent and this is her first “relationship”. Also now she tells me she wants to move to Lebanon to be with him.
    Every time I talk to her she gets angry with me and never wants to see reason she dose not want to open up to me or my family about her plans for her future with this guy.
    This guy seems to be tagging her along and she is just agreeing with everything he says.

    Please help I do not want to loose my sister to a import .

  39. My story is different, but I’m confused none the less.

    I’m in the other side of the boat. I’m a foreigner here. I came for college to a great school, graduated, starting working at a firm making some serious dough, met my girlfriend and have been together since.

    Its been three years, we’ve been to places together, I’ve met all her family and vacationed together. She’s been with me back to my country where she stayed couple weeks with my family at home. She hangs out with my friends etc.

    In the mean time I left work, went to grad school, graduated, but have been struggling with finding the right job and/or starting my own business, and unfortunately with grad school done and no job (willing to sponsor a foreign worker), won’t be able to stay here legally for much longer.

    We’ve talked about marriage before, and we have a great, committed relationship, it would make her extremely happy if I proposed, and she has let me know to that effect.

    I’m lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I’m ready to marry yet. Not to anybody. If I did get married now, I wonder if it’d bug me forever wondering if I wouldn’t have done that if I weren’t in a bind. I don’t want a resentment under the surface, or realize after a lost decade etc we made the wrong choice. In particular I’m not sure I want kids, she loves them. It would kill her if I later decided I didn’t really want kids after all.

    On the other hand, I have built my life here. With her. And she, with me. It seems unreasonable to give everything up and let go because of some bureaucratic crap, or some lingering doubts and vague feelings of unease. And it would devastate her. And I don’t know what I’d say to her family, or mine. Or to myself !

    I feel like I’m in trap. Every reasonable line of logic tells me I should get married, but deep down I know I wouldn’t have if I had a reasonable alternative, at least yet. I feel like I’m running circles in my head. Any outside voice would probably be refreshing and welcome :-(

  40. Brandy – maybe you found this site JUST in time! Like ‘admin’ said, you’re not trapped… have choices. HE set a wedding date? What about you? Do what I did the first time and tell him you’re not ready….see what his reaction is. Aside from the multiple lies, and pushing to get married, this will also tell you what you already know.

    By the way, you already know. :)

  41. Hi Brandy, you are not trapped:) You can refuse to marry him.

    You have such a bright future–nursing is such a wonderful career path, even in today’s difficult economy!

    Personally, if a person had lied to me about being married and having children, I’d avoid him like the plague!

  42. I am so stressed but releaved i found this site, and people in the same situation. I met my fiance in vegas 8 months ago, we started sating and righ off the bat there were problems, he lied and said he was a citizen, which he is not, he is from honduras. He lied about the FOUR kids he has there, oh and not to mention the WIFE here he married for papers, he admitted all of that one night and of course im an idiot and believed him when he said he loves me and wanted to tell me the truth. He pushes constantly to get married, he says so he can give me better life, yeah right ….im in nursing school so i cant work full time, i feel so trapped and stuck, he set our wedding date for 3 weeks from NOW, im panicing, help please

  43. My story is sadly much like ‘just me’ and ‘me too’. The con artist i married was Turkish and named Ilham – Mesut Ilham Dokumcu. I type it here so nobody else gets fooled by him. The red flags in hindsight were the very early and very quick proposal followed by insane jealousy if i looked at anybody else. However he could talk to any other girl, flirt with anybody, and also talk with his ex-girlfriend who knew nothing of me. We proceeded to date on and off because of his temper and controlling behavior – also his punishment if I dared to question him. The punishment would be a sulking silence for days…until I apologized even if I did nothing wrong. He rarely apologized – rarely if ever. My family was very suspicious but i was in love – it drove a huge wedge between me and my family. He professed he knew me better than anybody…and could love me more than anybody. But then would leave me in a heart beat if i “displeased” him.

    I did catch him in few lies during the years and he’d blow if i questioned him. I had proof of his lies and he’d skillfully turn it around on me to make it my insecurity, rather than his lies. Very manipulative.

    I got pretty sick with something (was bed ridden and on short term disability) and he still insisted we plow on w/wedding plans. I could barely stand and he wanted to drag me for ring shopping! Anyway, he wanted to move back in one day and had scheduled a moving truck for a few of his things( long story as we did the in and out/back and forth thing). I phoned him, sick, to say i needed more time as I thought we were rushing after not resolving some of our bigger issues (he never ever wanted to address our issues on my time, only always on his –which was never!) . He stormed home to my house where he’d been staying, gathered his things, and broke up – left me while I was sick. Who does that?!

    It lasted a few months – maybe six? – and we were back together. I thought we had a connection that couldn’t be denied – i think he found a romantic sap that he could manipulate. Sad to read but true. SOOO fast forward another dysfunctional year and of back and forth and finally we got married. His idea for a romantic wedding was…..that on my lunch break from work, that we go down to the courthouse and presto, get it done, then i could go back to work. Seriously. I cried. He backtracked very well to say that’s what they do in Turkey. Riiiiiiight. when I told him what I pictured for my wedding day he went along with it, but now i know it was just to get it done. I knew something was wrong when at our little wedding reception i couldn’t even find him to take pictures together….nor after the ceremony. He was busy being the charming host, hardly the loving doting groom. It was strange at the time….typical now.

    March we were married, September we took a honeymoon to Turkey which was fine – more like a vacation home for him than a honeymoon. He only got angry with me a few times for silly little things….I tried to downplay it but i got more anxious in small ways as time passed…..the second we landed back here he changed full time into the bossy, controlling, sulking manipulative man…full time instead of part time. It was stunning how quickly he dropped the charm..because although i didn’t outline it here, he was aMAZing when he was in the mood, when he wanted something from someone. All my friends thought I was the luckiest woman ever because of how he appeared to be when they were around.

    Anyway, within a month, after pleading with him, he agreed to go to marriage counseling which was a train wreck. He was belligerent and less that cooperative. By December i was sick of his emotional abuse, tired of his apathetic neglect, weary of watching him be Mr Amazing Charmer with all my friends and look at me with disdain. So i asked for a separation, he moved out instead. Said he’s done – no separation. He moved to LA with his son for a month, then was back… guessed it, by February we were ‘dating’ again. I said the only way I’d consider it this time is if we continued counseling. He agreed. Fast forward a month and he’s back in my house …but refused counseling….but would do a workbook together. After waiting for THAT to happen i order the supplies,,….but it never happened. Instead when I’d casually bring it up he’d laugh at me. Degrade me yet again. I’m a hard working lady in my office – great fun – laugh – very spiritual, sunny lady…etc ….but was becoming very depressed and of course questioned everything about me, even my feelings! Well, i’d had it. I was over his attitudes and his stories (because it’s all about him – his ego is huge but fragile w/his insecurities)… So, anyway, after a few months of limping along, fights, arguing, his beating up my dresser, punching his fist thru a wall,, etc….i’m OVER it. I simply let it be his idea so he’d be less aggressive. It worked. Filed for divorce and it’ll be over soon. My goal is to write a letter to have it put in his file for when has to renew his temp green card or whatever the next step is. I’m going to remove some of this emotional discourse and write a factual email. I’m going to include a statement from the Marriage counselor who i continued to see after the fact for a few times. Also proof I paid for it all – he had no intention of paying. I’m going to research to see what else i need to include and get it done fast. If anybody else knows what else we should do, spill it. Action is power and they think they have power over us?! DId, past tense. No more!

  44. I married a tunisian man and he hurt me real bad I guess he was just after the green card. The funniest thing is he got away with it and i am with nothing now. He even owns a business. I hope someday the lord punishes him for what he has dione to me

  45. I have a question Im american,I get married with a Argentinean guy that he was so nice but now is being a couple years that he got his green card and now we are going to divorce.I thing that he use me,is anything that I can do about it ? he already got his card and now he dont want anything to do with me

  46. I am dating a 32 year old male from India. He has been very honest about his immigration status and at first I was very scared. He is currently married but cannot divorce her because of his immigration status could be in danger right now. He has to remain married until this passes and then he can divorce her and marry me if I want to. He told me that he loves me so much and when I’m with him it feels so sincere. I have only known him for 1 month now and it does seem very fast. He wants to have a baby, a family, and a wife. I want all of these things too and it all feels so good to hear it. We are both at a good age to start a family and I really don’t want to wait too long to have a baby. I have spoken very briefly on the phone with his mother but she didn’t know english very well so it was just a hello and how are you phone call. She sounded very lovely. His sister and mom want to send me a Sari dress and I think it’s so sweet and thoughtful. I feel that I do love him but I’m holding back a little bit due to the immigration situation to see how things unfold. I’m too scared about being used for a green card or getting pregnant with him but he seems so genuine. We go out and dance, watch movies, play cards, and he’s even met my parents and other family members. I have met his friends. My mom thinks that he’s polite and very sweet. She can see why I like him. My other family members are concerned but haven’t gotten to know him and their opinions are soley based on other’s misfortunes with immigrants. He came to the hospital when my dad was badly injured from his fall. We text each other and talk on the phone every day. He’s not pressuring me to marry or have his child. He thinks that he loves me more than I love him. It’s not that….it’s just that I’m scared and after reading some of these posts it makes me feel worse than ever.

  47. I am a foreign student currently dating an American girl. We have dated for a long time, and we love each other. Who knows, we might even get married some day. I do know that there are some people out there trying to fool you into marriage to get green cards. That’s why I do not even mention getting engaged or having kids when I am around her because I fear my girlfriend would get suspicious of me. Living in the South as a person of different nationality and ethnicity, I face lots of hateful and suspicious eyes when I walk down the street holding her hand. Some of her close relatives and friends look down on me because of the country where I came from. If I did not truly love her, I would not have gone through all these humiliating instances. Recently, she has been showing me some movies about marriage and immigration. One of them was about this cop who married a foreign woman who divorced him as soon as she got her citizenship. I cried secretly that night because I didn’t want her to doubt my love…because I do love her more than anything else. And I want to prove that, but don’t know how. She travels a lot for missionary purposes, and every time she is away, I miss her daily and try to call her nightly even though she doesn’t always pick up the phone. Because I already miss her often and she likes living in different countries, if I do marry her, I would want to live with her wherever she goes, and a green card for me would be a necessity in order to do so whether I get it through marriage or through other means. But I fear if I bring up that issue, she would grow suspicious and leave me eventually. Here’s just hoping that time will show her that my love is truthful (before my visa expires…)

  48. Just me’s post from 2010 had me crying my eyes out. Could I possibly be in the same position? I am going to pray so hard that this is not the case and that my husbands emotional abuse is only tied into the fact that he can’t work yet and that he truly is tired of seeing people take me for a fool as he always says. But as I type this I feel more and more like I am a fool believing that he truly loves me when he sounds exactly like Just me’s ex husband. He kept things from me, hid money, lied about the amount of children he had or had on the way. Messaged mad girls and talked to many woman on the phone that I paid for monthly while I was at work and denyed it and would get mad and call me crazy even though I knew it was true.

    This mans mental abuse is above and beyond all else, to the point that the entire house hold is so sad. My child doesn’t want to live with us anymore. My life is in a bad place right now I don’t know what to do…..

  49. Hello!

    I was reading this because I was confused with what to do!
    The thing is that I knew my guy (who is indian) for a year and we’ve been dating for a little over 4 months… We do all the healthy things relationships do… we talk a lot, we go out, cuddle and just enjoy each other… I am about to meet his parents (online though cause they are still in India) He also met my parents (they aren’t very happy… because he doesn’t have a good job because of his status). but his passport expires at the ending of this month… he is not pressuring me but he asked me to marry him… and I dont know what else to tell him… I want more time but the date is near by! he did get upset when i told him i am not sure… For some reason i feel that i am gunna loose him if i dont help him… and if i do help him my parents would not be happy…
    can anyone help please!

  50. Wow some of these just hit right on target. I was in Europe and met a girl from Moldova, the poorest country in Europe. Her friend that lives here in the USA connected me with her.Anyways she was the sweetest best thing ever…. she asked for money on day 8 of knowing her she said love on day 4…RED FLAGS!!! asked for more money.I was blinded… I told her I would come home to USA and will send for her in a fee months and she rushed me bringing her .borwed money from her family and came…. yes I had to pay them back the money for her. She came like two weeks after me so she had goten a tourist visa…. she was on a mission!!! got here and moved in with my family and pushed and pushed me to marriage which I just did not want to do but I finally gave in so she got here and 30 days later we are married adn she started asking about papers so she can work.My father is in a come and about to be unplugged so I told her she’ll have to wait cus I hav to pay for the funeral… she moved out 30 days after marriage to her friends house who now she calls cousin…who I just found out had married Americans and got green cards and got divorced…..PLease… what can I do? I want to annul this abomination and just get her kicked out of my country ..go back to your Soviet hell… I found out she also had come as a tourist and cancelled her return ticket the day she got here… 30 days married can I get out of it? she was supposed to be here only for 2 weeks but the visa is god for 6 months…I really want her out!!!

  51. Well I’ve been talking to this guy for a while and we talk at least everyday. Even though we have never met in person I feel like he is the one. They say that when you know it’s the one you just know. He’s talked to my mom on the phone and actually enjoys to. This summer he wants me to travel to another state and meet his brother and eventually fly over to Jordan and meet him and the rest of his family. We have talked about getting married but not really anytime to soon. Everyone tells me that I shouldn’t fly over their to meet him because I could get murdered and that he should come here first. The thing is that he wants me to fly over their and met him and his family and then if things go well I come back to the US and eventually he will come. He says after that he never wants to return because he hates his country. I cant really tell if he’s just using me for my green card…

  52. I consider myself rather lucky, my boyfriend, fiance now of one year lives in Honduras and I live here in the united states. We talk everyday on the cell phone and the computer and have grown extremely close over the year. He is my best friend and I haVE FALLEN completely in love with him. I talk to his kids, his mom and the rest of his family as well. He is 39 years old and never been married. I am 37 and have also never been married. we know everything about eachother. He is very supportive to me emotionally and financially. I do not like asking him to send me money but he has even when I told him no. He never asks me for money or anything. As for him being my fiance now, He didnt ask me to marry him. I didnt ask him to marry me either. We were talking for hours on the phone and as I was glancing at his picture, before I realized what I was saying, I blurted out, Im gonna marry you! He was like, WHAT? And I repeated Im gonna marry you. He said he loved me and he would be honored to marry me and be my husband. but he asked if i really loved him enough to be his wife and I told him yes i do. After a year of talking everyday on the computer and all hours of the night on the phone, i never thought for a second, i would fall in love with someone that way, but i did. He asked me to come live in his country and I told him I have no problem with that, then I asked him how he would feel about eventually moving here to the states with me and he replied, he cant right now because his mother is very ill, which I know for a fact she is, but he said eventually he will if I still want him to after his mom passes. Her diabetes has taken a horrible toll on her life this year. Anyways, he said he would go anywhere in the world for me no matter where I want to go as long as we are together. We write eachother letters, send photos to eachother 3 times a week, not to mention we facebook every day and night. My fiance owns 2 homes in honduras and I dont own anything. So I know he wont be using me for money or a citizenship. And I would never marry anybody to gain property. I was with my daughters father for 7 years and refused to marry him and he had plenty of money. The reason I refused to marry my daughters father is because i HAD DOUBT IN MY HEART. I didnt believe he was the one for me! From the moment I first saw my fiances face on web cam and we talked for hours, I thought to myself, he’s the one Ive waited my whole life for. I never said anything and waited for over a year to build a bond with him before I told him I loved him and I am gonna marry him. Now when we talk on the phone or the computer,and in letters, He always tells me he loves me with all his heart and he cant wait til he marries me just so we can spend our lives together. I know in my heart he is the one.

  53. hi everybody, im really glad i found this site. i really need outsider to advice. i meet a nigerian men almost 3 years a go …. make long story short i hardly trust him coz of my past relationship n the longdistance . he told me he love me n be ready to wait to prove to me he really do love me… coz i told him about my doubt. he really want marry me but me i never want be marry so i really dont know what to do right now coz we both that he never gonna be able to come over here. my country already refuse him visa tourist n i know n he not making a lot of money. i told him i can marry him so he can come over here but he told me he dont me to maary him coz of paper. i know is not a lot of information but poeple do u think his honest or just try to manipulate me.

  54. Me and my fiance met around 3 years ago. he lives in korea, and im in the US… I really want to believe that I love him and stuff, but sometimes I don’t trust him. yeah, he’s showed me to all his friends and family, even wants me to get close to them…never CAUGHT him in a lie…but my guts feel different because he’s really good at lying with his mom…and I don’t feel like i’m the greatest girlfriend…anyways, sometimes he would talk about “when he gets a green card” and not say, when we get married…i think like 3-4 times…it troubles me. And what troubles me is I feel like he’s trying to be too convincing to me that he “loves” me…like buying me stuff,like he says I wanna buy you gucci, and coach, etc..almost feels like he’s trying to buy me sometimes…and I told him I dont want that stuff because i don’t want to feel spoiled. but he still insists. he payed for alot of stuff when i was there and it made me feel weird, like a good amount of money. I asked him where he wants to live, at first, like a year ago he said in his country, but recently has changed to mine…now he says he wants me to have a good job and graduated before he will get married with me and wants me to support him when that happens because he will be studying his MBA….although he will pay for his school, ill have to pay everything else…and i suspect another women is involved with us..we barley had sex when i was over ther for 6 months…maybe like once a month….He says he “hates her/dislikes her” but acts friendly when they meet at church and chats with her sometimes, doesn’t look like hate to me, and recently she started wearing a ring that looks almost exactly like mine just very slightly different. I asked her and she says she doesnt know when she’ll get married with her guy, but sometime…and she always asks me about my fiance and stuff, she barely ever talks about hers i have to ask… now she posts stuff on her blog that feel like they relate to me or him, and other church people seem to be in on it too…he told me most of his friends dont like her as well, but they are her friends on the internet…except two. am I crazy?

  55. Wow;after reading wish i had stumbled onto here 4 years ago…. especially after the last entry of Just Me’s!
    I live in Australia, and was pursued by a Jamaican Musician (Deecey) who was called into immigration due to not having a taxfile number and working. he had breached a visa, had a failed marriage to another australian woman and had to leave the country. I knew nothing of this previously to the event (he hadnt told me)….& we were planning on moving in together.
    I wanted to believ in Love I guess; and he posessed a superficiall charm that had me fooled… for the next two years he worked less, i covered his arse for storage (happily), ran up my phone bill…hahah, and eventually flew over/met his family which was wierd and rather strained, like they all knew something i didnt… spent 6 wks, we got “engaged” which involved turning up to his siters birthday, and him anouncing the engagement and his sister saying “lord have mercy” (being ignored by him affectionate wise in front of his family)…and him placing a medalian identical to his (he always wore two) on a secondhand chain we got from a market, an him saying “no promises, keep it real”… still an idiot for “hoping for the best” i returned home, footed more storage bills…then he landed some work with some rich friends in lebanon… his friends bought me a ticket and i went to meet him; for 2 weeks it seemed great then we stopped in bali…(he couldnt get access back into AU)…turns out he didnt realise it was a three year waver not a 2 year waver…
    needless to say too much beyond, me spending my time working on his visa application, him chasing skirts, two many to list…yelling abuse, lies, scamming cash from his family…not to mention finding out his music bedtracks he claimed were origionals, were all other artists he had stored on a mini disc…
    He ended up having to go to (NZ), my 69 yr old mother secured him the tickets…. he stayed and sponged off a friend of mines family in south island… (i bought him the bus fares and sent him my last 50 buks via western union)…i called him to see which post office to use, and to ask if i ought secure his bus tix online for him too…he couldnt respond at 3pm NZ time, as he had spent the evening out clubbing with the other backpackers… i told him i found his behavior inappropriate, and he abused me verbally over the phone… i also have a recorded argument i have from indonesia, him calling me a wierdo … never to challenge him re other women…blah blah blah…
    The cool thing is… I am fully OVA him.. I was in Love with an illusion…a contrived deception by an old player. Who lies to everyone, his mother, his family, women, his friends, the music industry…but worstly himself… he has to live a lie…poor sod. I left him last september 2010, right ater that last abusive crap phone i call i just shared… i told him via text message end of october… I went thru alot, and what i arrived at was; i am proud i Loved so deeply, I had the self resprect to pull out when I was 100% certian of what was going on….
    Now he has returned to australia (he jumped a transit visa) …..on the 28th of October 2010.
    Funny, he always called me his queen, and heres the thing- when someone neglects thier responcibilities that bad, and depends on someone else to do all the hard yards…they think they have all the power… (i thought he did)… funny, i had all the power the whole time…. yes i am the queen piece…I could have him in chek’mate at anypoint….
    I havent, but it makes me smile that I know i have the power to fry his arse…
    maybe thats jaded…
    thanks for reading’
    (oh, the Website Link is his Aus band Home Page)

  56. My Ex married a girl from Europe in April. I broke it off with him Oct 2009 for many reasons and one was because he would have never treated my son and I the way we should be treated. He had asked a friend why I wouldn’t call him. Finally, he went on the internet, met this girl from Tirane and had her come live with him about a month after I broke it off. She lived at his house for about 2 months then went back home for a little over a month then came back in March and he married her 1 month to the day. Now, the reason why I think he married her, fear of being along, why did she marry him, not sure a green card maybe? I spoke to him in Jan. and asked how he could move this girl that he didn’t know into his house (and she didn’t know him other than some internet conversations) so soon after I broke it off. I then asked if he loved her and he said it’s a mutual thing. Now I didn’t know what he meant at the time however I spoke to him again in Feb. and I asked again, Do you love her and he stated in a very agitated voice as if it didn’t really matter, I don’t know. Then he stated “I just might make the biggest mistake of my life and marry her in a month”. Mind you, he supposedly didn’t know if she was coming back to the US but he was going to marry her in a month. And he did just that, 1 month to the day of her return. I also found pictures of this girl on with another man from 2007 that she had up until August of this year then deleted her profile. I guess she got concerned that maybe he would find them?? Not sure but I still to this day cannot believe that he was so afraid of being alone that he married a girl he barely knew after only about 4 months of knowing her. He always told me “he shouldn’t have to pay for everything” but I bet he is now! I just really can’t see doing something like this. I mean, if you met someone from another country and really started to like them, why not take your time getting to know them and travel to their country and meet her parents etc?? He has never been to her country and I assume since he’s never been there, met her parents or family. I’ve often asked myself, what would make a girl from a foreign country come to the US to live with a man she barely knows? Then come back and marry them without really knowing each other?? Just boggles my mind…

  57. I am an American citizen married to a Honduras native. We’ve been together right at 5 yrs and we have 2 children. I didn’t really know anything about green cards and such before meeting him, because honestly I had no reason to know. I can identify with several of the warning signs, but at such a late stage. My husband was married in his country when I met him and he lied to me and his wife there, but he along with his family made up this elaborate story that he was only with the girl for 30 days and he married her out of obligation for having broken her virginity, that this was actually a part of the culture. We weren’t going to get married but a month before we were forced to my husband was jailed and passed thru immigration and I was told I should if I wanted to keep him in the country, so I did. He has spent the entire time so disconnected from me, including even the day we got married. We spent the entire drive on the way to the justice of the peace arguing for some additional lies he had told me. I did apply for the I130 petition 3 yrs ago but that is all that I have done, because I honestly feel in my heart he’s only waiting for his green card to arrive in the mail so he can skidaddle back to his country of origin, to his ex-wife who was crazy enough to agree to a divorce on the grounds of him returning once he used me up. I want to warn anyone out there do not get involved with anyone who isn’t a native of this country unless you are absolutely sure. If they are illegal you have to understand, they crossed the border on foot, illegally risking death. To marry a kind heart-american citizen and enjoy all the benefits in the meantime is a walk in the park. I have 2 beautiful children that I will adore always but honestly some of them the first thing they’ll do is get you pregnant because they feel like it makes the case with immigration more solid. They talk and word travels. They have a full underground network to get anything they want without papers so why do they even need them besides travel? Be cautious fellow americans and friends abroad, they are really great liars and will toy with your emotions and tendancies toward helping others.

  58. I am in the same situation. I met a guy from Africa last year who had been here on a study visa but it had run out. When I met him, he didn’t mention any of this and was working. I thought he was legal as he was working etc. After a month he asked me to marry him. Alarm bells started ringing but he said it was for religious purposes as he is muslim and living together out of marriage is haram (illegal in islam). We had, however, been having sex the entire time, which is also haram in islam! Anyway, after 4 months we got married in a mosque in the islamic way and then moved in together. It was about 4 months later that it all came out that he is not legal to work in the UK and we have to file for a spouse visa asap or he will have to leave.

    I have had my suspicions about the relationship from the start but he was such a good manipulator. He was also extremely, extremely emotionally abusive. He would ignore me, call other women behind my back, go on web cams with other women, had girls on instant messenger and would spend more time chatting with them than talking to me. Whenever I asked questions, he would shout at me, call me stupid, put me down, criticise me. I would have to beg him to spend time with me. It was like he hated me but had to hang around because of the spouse visa. We applied for the visa and it is currently in the works. However, I have just left the relationship because I am tired of not being good enough, tired of being shouted at, tired of being put down, tired of being emotionally manipulated, tired of being abused, tired of being treated as though i am the most annoying person in the world and it is just the biggest effort for him to even spend any time with me. When he is home he will just sleep or go on the internet. I do not feel ANY love from him at all. Even the sex feels disconnected. I feel like i am just a body and most of the time he would not even satisfy me, just take his own satisfaction and be done with it.

    I feel humilated, used and abused. But I have realised and I have gained the strength i need to admit that he never loved me, he was using me, that he has abused me and that this relationship is over. It is over. I have accepted it. I loved this man with all of my heart and soul. I would cry after a round of abuse and then the silent treatment for hours but he would just turn on the computer or game console and ignore my tears. Nothing got to him, he has a big void where any human emotion and sympathy should be. I have never been good enough for him and he has never loved me. I see this now and it hurts. It hurts so much. I ask myself how I could love him after everything he has done and put me through. I don’t know the answer, but i did fall deeply, deeply in love with him. It hurts so much to leave and know I will never see him again. It hurts so much to realise that he never loved me and is using me….. but I would rather feel this hurt once and be able to get over it and live my life happily than to be hurt every day for the rest of my life and cry every day. There was no happiness, no joy – just anxiety, paranoia, tears, sadness, stress and depression. I have not been to work for months due to the anxiety and depression this “man” has caused me. I have developed irritable bowel due to all of the stress, I cannot sleep, I cry constantly and I have lost all of my confidence. I still love him, but this cannot go on. I deserve happiness and I will not be used to provide a visa for my country. It is over. I urge ANYONE in this situation to do the same. Get out while you can, before it is too late! Find someone who LIGHTS UP YOUR LIFE! Find someone who is true and who loves you. It might hurt, no, it DOES hurt… but you will recover and the hurt will be gone. You will go on to be happy afterwards.

  59. My situation is trickly..I did marry my husband in his country and have been introduced to several of his friends. His family all know about me but they do not know of our marriage. He insists he doesn’t want to even live in the US but he is forced to as i have a young daughter from a previous marriage who cannot travel with me out of the US. His sister is aware of our marriage but that is only because she saw photos I posted on facebook and he was absolutely livid when he found out. We talk everyday and we are closing in on our immigration status but some days I feel I am just the “dirty little secret” too. He is Indian and I read about all the warnings but fell in love and I believe he loves me as well but sometimes I worry because he lies to his family so much and seems to want to procrastinate coming to the US. Maybe its because his family doesn’t approve of me and he is ashamed that he went behind their backs…time will tell..

  60. I’m going thru the same situation of most of the stories I just read especially Dee’s… The Jerk after three years of marriage, tells me I LOVE in my own way.
    What crap is that! He loved me when he wanted a favor from me, when he didn’t he completed ignor me to the extent that he cheated on me. IF I had the power I would really take his greencard away in a heartbeat.

    SO HURT,

  61. This is a good website, I did not pay much attention to the signs, but deep down I knew in my heart that something was not right. I chose not to believe in it. I met this Lebanese guy in July of 2006, he wanted to get married in November of that year. I talked to him into getting “engaged” first. I broke the “happy” news to my family and they were suspicious, especially my mother. He wanted to get married so fast, the excuse he put was that it was for religious purposes, for us to be able to live together etc. When 2007 came around he pushed and pushed marriage again. We got in to so many arguments, broke up a couple of times, but he still persisted. We finally had a civil ceremony because none of my family members wanted to attend except for my oldest brother. We got married and three months after because of all the family problems I had, I filed for divorce. He talked me out of it, he said if we moved to another state all will be better, he said that we would be able to show my family that we could be happy and prosper. So we did move, he applied for his work permit and ultimately a green card. There were many instances were I wanted to leave him but he would not let me, he was a great persuader. He finally got his green card this April 2010, and I told him I wanted a divorce, he signed I filed.

    If you are in a situation similar to mine, please listen to those around you, and to your heart, if there is a small ounce of doubt, listen to it.

  62. I might my girlfriend in college and we have been dating seriously for a 2 months now…..we hope to get marriend in the future and she knows i will require my greencard to future my education to the doctorate level but she keeps insisting that i love her because i want to use her for my greencard. I have a mum and a two beautiful sister who have taught me to respect woman cuz only a woman can give life and i will never hurt or let go of her. She is 5 years older than me but to me age is just a number and it takes ones mentally to mature. I love my girlfriend so much but she thinks i say this because i need a greencard from her. I am 24 years and not getting younger so is anyy wrong if i find my better half now……..I wonder when is the best time in life a man life to get married. This marriage with greencard is a major problem in intercultural marriages especially in America. She want to get married to me but she is afraid i might let go of her….I care about so much that when she is sad i am sad too. I know she loves me so much and i love her more back but the issue of me needing this greencard with her help is always an excuse for her to start an argument that i don’t love her and hence my love is conditioned based. It really saddens my soul when she says that and i wish she could understand me better. I love my girl friend so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please someone please help me i don wanna loose her because of a common greencard?????

  63. This website was very helpful. Be weary of hispanic illegal men (who lie about their legal status) who in addtion to getting married want to rush to have children. Many of them believe that having a child in addition to being married to an American, seals their immigration case and that it makes it more likely to get approved for permananet residency. Watch your finances closely, they like to sneak and send $ back home no matter what county they are from- Mexio, Honduras, El Salvador, Columbia, etc and they will say they are helping their Mom, etc. But it’s highly likely that they are supporting another familiy in their home country or children that they have not told you about. I would suggest getting married in BOTH countries.

  64. This website is great. :) My Turkish fiance (we have been together for 1 year and just got engaged) does not fall under any of these categories. Actually if he were American I’d probably be married already but I am just reluctant because my ex was also Turkish and a perfect liar. I am so lucky I didn’t get engaged to him. My new fiance however bothers me because I met him in Turkey while living here and know that he “only dates Americans.” Also, he has America souveniers all over our apt. I think he is a little too eager to “be American.” Our plan is to stay in Turkey for a couple more years and then move to HK or the USA. I am just so terrified he will change and his love right now is an act. I’ve questioned him about ingenuity before and he says his life is good here (nice apt, nice car), and if he wanted to live in America he would go there and find a poor girl to bribe. I really don’t know what to do. He supports me now but my biggest concern is wasting my love and years of my life… I feel guilty for even saying this because he really treats me so well..

  65. I advise anyone to check the other person out, check the gene pool, meaning meet their family & friends in their country and be aware of their motives. I was in and out of a relationship/marriage for over 5 years. We were off and on. The 1st major break-up was w/o success on his part. The 2nd time around, he got the employment card, traveling visa and SS card which were all temporary. I did his resume, applied at jobs for him, encouraged him to go to school for a GED, which he never completed. He even fell sick and I was there by his side leaving the States and visiting his country helping nurse him back to health. The beginning signs were the buying the plane tickets, meals, free housing and traveling as well as extra curricular activityies. While I won’t deny he did love me at one time, his ‘User” ‘mode always easily turned on. This year he was caught in lies, and admitted cheating and that’s when I had enough. By the time he moved out, I had received the 2 yr. greencard which I still have in my possession. The question is should I keep it or give it to him? This man may have helped cook & clean, & helped when I moved a few times, but he left me in debt and did absolutely nothing to deserve this card. It’s been 2 mos and have not heard from him. Yet…..Have since filed for divorce and getting ready to serve him.

  66. If this guy is abusing you financially, or even physically?
    Does he have a plan on paying you back? If NOT then you should ask him questions on what his goals are with you.

    If he is BEATING you, tell him to CHOKE on a D.I.C.K! FLAT OUT FORGET THAT DUDE! Physical abuse is NEVER good relationship to be in.

    You should talk to him about his feelings for you…look into his eyes to know if he is saying is TRUE. Have your dad or sibling talk to him alone as well. Give your family a chance to get to know him, so they can give you their opinion. If he doesnt want to contribute to anything then DROP his a$$ ASAP! If the guy is not romantic, and he doesnt seem like he will surprise you with a present or a ring…what kind of fun is that???

    You should think twice about your relationship…get second a opinion…marriage can wait for few good years if you plan on seeing this dude. TRUE love is waiting for everything to be DONE RIGHT! ”ONLY FOOLS RUSH IN”

    Talk with this guy on how you think about things…know if he is LIABLE, DEPENDABLE, TRUSTWORTHY, HONEST, STRAIGHT FORWARD, (In other WORDS someone, that isn’t afraid of giving you TRUE answers, even if its good or bad) ALWAYS GIVING YOU SOMETHING IN RETURN…if he is someone that will go out of their way for you….(If he doesn’t seem like that then MOVE ON!)

    Look for honest, stand up guy…person that will repay you for everything you do for him….

    It doesnt hurt to get second opinion though. GOOD LUCK!

  67. wow, this was all the warning signs. each signal matched my situation. i really love him and thought he loved me but i always had doubts in my mind that there was something else there. This has finally solved my questions/answers after 2 years of dating. he rushed into our relationship, asked me to marry him after only 3 days and than after that took my money, ignored me, treated everyone better, and abused me. than last week he asked me to marry him, and he meant now. he said before he wanted me to finish school, he said i will wait you, i want you to finish school. now he is begging me to marry him. very informal, no ring, nothing romatic, he didnt ask my father. he just wants to get married in a court house and have no honeymoon. suggestions for breaking up?

  68. I recently married my husband in his country of residence, and although we married in the same city as my spouse’s parents live in, he did not invite them nor did he ever introduce me to them. He claims it was because he was “on the outs” with them at the time, but later I discovered that he still lives with his parents (except when he was in the U.S. for college and work). So at the time that we married, although we were living together at a resort, he was officially living with his parents. Now he keeps delaying my meeting his parents. Initially he said when we got our I-129/K3 visa approved I would fly back, meet his family, and we would come to the U.S. – however, during our last conversation, he said I would meet his family “next year”. At the same time, he talks about his family (at least his mother) affectionately and reminds me how important family is. This leaves me thinking that family is important, but I’m not considered part of his family. Most of my friends, both American and from other countries, say that if he really loved me he would be proud of me and excited to introduce me to his family. He is Indian but living in the U.A.E.. This all confuses me as all three of the involved cultures include family in marriage and other important life events. I wonder if he is using me for money or a green card, even though so far he has paid for everything. The closer we get to the visa being approved, the more worried I get. I feel like his “dirty secret”. I have not met a single one of his friends or family members. There is another concern but more personal. I’d love to be able to talk to someone about it. I love him, but I am not about to destroy my life or be hurt by someone – and my brain is telling me to back out while I can.

  69. Interesting enough u see repply from the people who gave or almost gave resdency to a immigrant but u don’t see the immgrats reply.

    I am one of those illigal alien or I was or I might be again I don’t know at this point. I meet my former wife when I was in H.S. We dated for 3 years and stay married for 2. We took our sweet time to actually fill out the paper work for immigration almost a full year after we marry and well summit it everything I got my work permit in like 3 month after we turn in the paper work and my greencard about 3 – 6 months later and unfurtunaly about 4-6 month later we just fell apart fight moreoften then not and the whole works. After being separated for a year she summited the divorce papers and I sign them cuz I agree with her that we just didn’t work out (do I still think about her I do) after that we stop talkng and she develop I deep hatred for me out of the blue (well maybe she had reason but seeing as this is my story I don’t see why) so we no longer talk. I am currently fighting to keep my greencard but immigration is being a pain my lawyer say that if I don’t get some sort of statement from her my case may just go down to hell. But she refuses to do anything. Funny enough although I am not sure if my case goes down to hell she might get found of being an acomplace or something to obtain my greencard and she might end up facing jail time or soemthing. Now I guess what I mean to do here is what do you think? Anyone know of what can I do or any advice?

  70. First of all thank you so much, I being married into one of those scams, she gotten me arrested and so forth, However the lucky part was that I didn’t marry her in the civil court yet. Can anyone please help me with how to contact the authorities for her being illegal in this country and tried to scam me into the paper marriage!


    email your contacts here

  71. Hi Olga, I know that there are ways to get a divorce even without the signature of the spouse–but I don’t know the details. I think you really should try to speak to an attorney–divorce attorneys are not always expensive, and even one meeting could be very informative and help you proceed. I am sorry this happened to you. I wish you the very best of luck in putting things back together.

  72. Well too late for me,my fiance and I got married already . After 3 years of traveling overseas to see him meet his family and making big plans for the future I find out he was a liar and big time cheater, he planed all to get out of his country and I fell on my face.. he move out of my house, to another state, took my money and let me full of debts and now he refuse to sign the divorce. because he has a green card( not permanent) and also a work permit Yeah I was a fool ok but now What to do next?
    I want a divorce/ anulment I just want to end the nightmare ASAP help!!!

  73. Haha I wish I’d found this site earlier –
    I broke up with my girlfriend after dating her 3 months (which I feel good about not having let it go on longer) – I was blinded by love but saw all of these problems, and broke up with her based on the problems alone.
    After reading this I wish I had seen this website earlier, as I could have saved myself probably 2 months of being used in a relationship.
    Anyway my girlfriend didn’t want a green card from me, just wanted to use me since I had money and spoke English.
    But either way, these are signs for any bad relationship, so I’m glad I ended it. Thanks for the advice though here.

  74. Hi Tom,

    I think if you are planning to wait 5 years, you have nothing to worry about–before that time, it will become very obvious whether your fiance loves you or not!

    On having nothing in common: I always thought my husband and I had nothing in common–but actually we do. These things are not typically what you think of though–not sports, hobbies, past-times, and things we like. The things we have in common that have really formed a bond for us are family, a tendency to take risks, and a similar idea of how family, home, and jobs should play out in life. Otherwise, we seem to have literally nothing in common.

    My husband always got very irritated at me for pushing English. I think that’s normal. It could create issues with employment later, but I don’t think your pushing her will make a difference in her studies! It’s early to worry about that anyway though.

    It sounds like you both really like each other! How lucky for you:) I think to find out for sure why she likes you, it’ll take time rather than some action on your part. Also, it’s ok if she finds it cool that you’re from the USA–I think it’s really awesome that my husband is from the country he’s from, for example–but it’s not related to trying to live there or anything. I just think it’s neat:)

  75. First of all, I’m so glad I found this site when I first searched google. I’m 20 years old and I am in a relationship with a girl from Guatemala who has no papers and doesn’t speak English. She is 18 years old. We have been together for over 7 months now. I searched google for “how to know if they don’t just want a green card” and this is what came up. We are no where near marriage because I would only consider \it after having been with someone for at least 5 years. We have many disagreements and arguments because of communication issues and cultural clashes. I’m very good with Spanish and speak a lot of it but some times I can miss things. My girlfriend studies English and is trying to learn but she never wants to practice. Since I always talk to her in Spanish it isn’t really helping but she gets frustrated when I try to push it on her. She says she loves me and she would never use someone for a green card. She also told me she plans on returning to Guatemala in a year or two because she misses her family. I get worried sometimes because I think she is only with me because I’m American. What could I do to find out for sure? She is a very shy, quiet person and we can be together for hours without talking. I would also like to know what would be some good topics of conversation, we really don’t seem to have much in common except that we work at the same place. I don’t know if it’s because of the language barrier or if we really are not meant for each other. She has told me she wants me to go back to her country with her. I’ve met her older siblings who live here and have spoken with her mom on the phone a couple times. She seems to really be into me. What advice do you have for me? Tom

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